Envy
"Are you okay?" my workmate, Maria, asked, her voice soft with concern. I hadn't slept properly in weeks. The exhaustion hung heavy, a lead weight in my chest. Juggling a full-time job and review center classes for my teacher’s licensure exam felt like trying to catch smoke.
I'm a fresh graduate, a secondary education major, and already I felt the crushing weight of expectation. I should be focusing on my review, burying myself in textbooks and practice tests. But the reality was, I couldn't. I needed to work, immediately, to pay the bills, to support myself.
So, I'd applied, and thankfully landed a job as a data entry analyst at a well-known BPO company. The work itself wasn't glamorous – entering data, processing shipments, deciding whether they could be released or needed to be held – but it was steady, and it paid the rent. The irony wasn't lost on me; I spent my days meticulously categorizing data, while my dreams of shaping young minds felt increasingly distant. The late nights blurred into early mornings, a relentless cycle of data entries and review materials, leaving me perpetually drained and running on empty. Maria's concern was a lifeline, a reminder that I wasn't alone in this struggle. I needed to figure out a way to balance it all, or risk burning out completely.
"Of course, I am. I just need to rest," I smiled at her, trying to sound more convincing than I felt. The smile felt strained, even to me.
She is a beautiful lady. Younger than me, yet she carried herself with a maturity that belied her years. There was a quiet confidence about her that I envied. A quiet confidence I desperately craved.
"Hi Maria!" Someone greeted her, breaking through my thoughts.
We were in the cafeteria, enjoying our free lunch. The aroma of the food did little to lift my spirits. The exhaustion was a physical presence, weighing down my appetite.
"Rexxie, it's already unhealthy. You can ask for vacation leave," Eka suggested, her voice filled with genuine concern. Eka, with her easygoing nature and seemingly effortless success, was another source of my quiet envy.
"I agree," Maria added, her gaze meeting mine with understanding. Their concern was a balm to my weary soul. Yet, beneath the surface, the familiar sting of envy lingered. I was grateful for their support, but the nagging feeling of inadequacy remained. How could I possibly compete? How could I possibly achieve my dreams when I felt so hopelessly behind?
YOU ARE READING
The unseen
RomanceEver felt like you were just blending into the background? Rixxie knows the feeling. She's the girl who's always on the sidelines, watching as everyone else finds love and happiness.
