Trust Particles

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How do you know for sure that someone's your best friend? Most people would say they've known each other for so long that they almost feel like family but, what if I told you that time doesn't matter? Time was a thing invented by the human so if you think about it, sometimes you feel like it's been ages and it's only been 1 minute cause time is really just a non stopping count of numbers. In a friendship time doesn't really matter that much as the trust you put in it and all the memories you make, and it's devastating when you become so close to a person and they end up failing you.

In my school, I'm in a classroom full of people who are different than me, but very different, so it was a little hard for me to make friends. Not that I didn't know anyone, I have been in the same school since I was in 1st grade and I know everyone in my classroom but the pandemic separated us and we became totally different people at it. When we went back to school I met these 2 people who play a HUGE role and my life, one of them is known as my now days bully and one of them is well I suppose was my best friend but I think that didn't really work out quite as we both imagined. I met them both the same year and almost the same day, we hung out together but I started to realize that my bully, let's call him  Mani, was toxic and he was manipulating both of us. That's where it all started. Since that moment it was declared war, at some point my "best friend", let's call her Jess, was on my side because she knew that what he was doing was wrong. He didn't just call me names, he didn't just judge me, he knew I had a hard life in terms of family because I had told him when I trusted him and he betrayed me, he started pointing it out, spreading rumors, humiliating me and occasionally he would turn my own friends against me like I was the bad guy. That pissed me off to a point where my anxiety kept going and my emotions ware out of control and Jess knew that, she was always there for me in those moments but it wasn't until 1 year later that I noticed she had changed, and I don't think for the better. She started turning into now days typical little meanies, I asked her if it was me and she just said "No, shut up", I had never felt so bad in my life, it's like someone threw a brick at my chest and that's where it hit me, something's not right.

For months I tried treating her better, showing her more care and most of the times she would just get mad at me and that's where I started to grow most of my frustration, she knew EVERYTHING about me, like quite literally, there isn't a thing I haven't told her and that worried me because I could feel her growing away from me and that meant...

Meanie = Mean
{Mean}
- Spreading false information
- Rumors
- Lies
- Secret sharing

So I knew I was done for, I did everything I could to save our friendship, and she had broken my trust a few times already, I love her like a sister but what she did broke my heart. I have a small friend group, Jess, Mani, Kiki, Yan. We all used to hang out until he started being a b!tch, then I started parting with one of my old friends called Alejandro, I usually wouldn't hang out with him for various reasons such as one of them being the fact that he's my ex and my friends found it weird and he still likes me, but I have a boyfriend which I love very much, so I just hang with him cause I see him as fun guy to be around sometimes though sometimes he gets a little bit intense in terms of him trying to kiss me and stuff like that. Well going back to Jess, as I was saying, she had been lying this whole time. I had a feeling but I never did anything about it because I felt like I was just paranoid but I guess most of the times I am right, at this point I have predicted so many things like those that it doesn't surprise me at all if I'm right at the end. A new girl which cares for me a lot, tells me everything, she hangs out with them when I'm gone and she had been telling me these whole times that Mani talking crap about me with Jess and instead of defending me she just agreed with him, and when I tried to express to her why it bothers be so much being with him she called me dramatic and she told me to shut up, she called me problematic. Why can't I express why I don't wanna be with him when I actually have a reason to hate him but he can rant all he wants about me in front of your face without you doing anything or saying anything about it? I thought you ware my best friend.

I was mad all lunch and she was all happy and jolly, then she texted me, while literally being next to me, why was I so serious and mad? I told her it was nothing and the she said "It's always nothing, the same answer and the same attitude" well I'm sorry??? But the times I've tried to actually explain to you, you wouldn't listen so why am I gonna try now? Just because you're finally asking me? No, that's not how it works, or at least I don't work like that, you should know that by now, sister. She ignored me the whole day and the day after but after the incident I trashed all my food and I didn't eat at all, I just went upstairs with my brother and cried, his friends are good people, I like them a lot better than whatever I have, at this point I'm not sure if they're friends, classmates or what, there's just there.

My best friend betrayed me, and now she's hanging out with my bully, the one who basically made me hate everything that isn't my dad or my boyfriend. And it sucks you know? Thinking that you had a twin, someone who finally understood you after feeling alone in this small world. And she still won't accept what she did and she's just ignoring me while laughing with my bully and talking about how I'm the one wrong in this situation. I'm officially alone.