Protect my heart

c h a p t e r 23

Happy reading!

ANIKA'S POV

"Ani?" I hear mumma's concerned voice. "Get up please." She requests, a vulnerability audible in her tone. I am supposed to take care of her not the other way around and it's not good for her to stress out. I furiously wipe the tears flowing without my permission, "Don't" Maa requests, her hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. It hurts her to see me cry I know that. I look up at her and all self control I thought I had turned out to be false and the dam breaks. I get up, an urgency to hug her filling my mind, she immediately wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly. It seems my feelings today are so overwhelming that I don't even find comfort in my mother's arms, The usual solace I find in her embrace is strangely absent. My tears continue to flow incessantly, even as she holds me tightly. Mumma notices my unusual behavior, her worry deepening as she feels me struggling to find comfort in her arms.

"Ani," Her voice trembles. I quickly pull away, looking at her face, a tear fall from her eyes, her expression pained, Seeing the tear fall from Maa's eye breaks my heart. After the recent heart operation, her health is still in fragile state. I know how important it is to keep her stress in check, my own troubles cannot be allowed to affect her well-being. She's the one I should focus on, not my residual feelings for Aarav, he will be out of my life in few months but she has always been with me.

"Mumma, no," I say, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You're supposed to be resting. You mustn't get upset, it's not good for your heart."

"It's not his fault." She whispers, her voice so quite that it's hard to hear. I don't understand the meaning if her words, what does she mean? I take a step back, to look at her face. "What're you talking about Mumma?" I ask, in a hushed tone.

Mumma looks at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her voice is shaky as she speaks, as if she is battling her own inner turmoil. "It's not his fault," she repeats, her voice barely above a whisper. I feel a mixture of confusion and concern as I listen to her cryptic words.

"Are you talking about Aarav?" I mutter, "if so, I am sorry you had to hear all that, you don't know what he-" Her sob stops me midway, "Maa, come, you need to sit down." I say, holding her hand, I guide her to the living room, helping her sit on the couch. I walk back to the kitchen, to grab a glass of water for her. I don't know why she's crying so much. Whatever the reason, is I need her to be okay and so I have to convince her that our fight was nothing. Anyways all couples fight right? But what did she mean when she said it wasn't his fault. I return to the living room with the cup of water, watching her weep silently. Her tears are like daggers to my heart, and I can't stand seeing her like this.

I sit beside her and offer her the glass but she refuses, "I need to tell you." She mutters quietly in between her sobs. Tell me what? I don't say it out loud, giving her time to recover. Why can't she understand all this isn't good for her health, sometimes I feel like shouting at her. Ughh.

"He never got them." She says slowly, avoiding my eyes. My eyebrows furrow, "what does that mean?" I ask.
"I never posted your letters Anika." Mumma's words, hit me like a ton of bricks. I sit there frozen in my place unable to say a word. The realization of what she said slowly sinks in. My words caught in my throat, I try to speak, but the only thing that comes out is a strangled sound. I look at her face, hoping I misheard, but the guilt written on her face speaks louder than any words.

Mumma looks back at me, her eyes filled with remorse. "I'm so..." She begins but I cut her, "Why?" And wince at the harshness of my voice. Mumma flinches at the cold tone of my voice. She stays quiet for a few moments, her eyes downcast as she avoids my gaze. When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet.
"I did it for you, Anika," she says softly, looking up at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of guilt and pleading. "That's for me to decide Mumma. I believed you, I blamed him for 12 years Mumma. Can you believe it, I spent twelve years trying to forget him," I laugh humorlessly, "and when that didn't work, I used all my energy to hate him, as much as I could. I still couldn't." She doesn't reply, Mumma stays silent. She fiddles with her fingers, her eyes downcast. I can see the guilt written all over her face, but I can't help it, I feel the anger bubbling up within me, and I want to scream at her, to make her feel just a fraction of the pain I've been through.

"You saw what it did to me," I start, my voice shaking with anger. "You saw how it broke my trust, how I felt so less important, how I thought I was so forgettable. You wiped my tears Mumma, with your own hands when I complained about him, please tell me you're lying Mumma, please." I beg, tears streaming through my eyes. Mumma flinches and shrinks under my intense gaze, her shoulders slump as she sits on the couch. The guilt on her face is eating me, and it's clear that my words have hit a nerve. She stays silent for a few seconds, her eyes unable to meet mine.

"Ani," she begins, her voice barely above a whisper, "It is true." She confirms and I feel every fiber of trust in me shatter. How could my own mother break my trust? Hurt me so badly. "Your father didn't like him Anika." She murmurs. "So?" I look at her, my blood boiling with anger, "You just had to hide it from him." I yell. I am being an asshole, she just had an operation. "Anika! Don't talk to your mother like that." I hear Aarav's sharp voice, he's right behind me, how am I supposed to face him, how do I look into his eyes? It was my fault after all, my mother's fault, he must have gone through these pain too, I understand his behavior now, why he was so rude to me and why he changed in matter of days, why he started behaving well with me, Mumma would have told him, that day, in the hospital.

"Aarav, please, I have to tell him, it was my-" Mumma says but she is cut in between by Aarav, "No, the one at fault is Anika's father. Neither you nor Anika should blame each other." It feels like I am in a strange world where even I don't know what's going on in my life. "Can you two please explain, because I don't seem to understand anything. Refrain from talking in code language please." I taunt. I still don't look at Aarav. "It's nothing Anika-" Mumma begins but is again interfered by Aarav, "No aunty, She's old enough to understand your reasons." He says, "Your father blackmailed Aunty." He says.

"Blackmail" My eyes widen as Aarav's words hang heavily in the air. "What do you mean he blackmailed her?" I ask, bewildered. Aarav looks at my mother, silently asking for consent before continuing. She nods lightly, a mixture of resignation and guilt on her face. Aarav takes a deep breath, his voice steady as he speaks.

"Your father never liked me and when he found out about the letters you were trying to send me he threatened Aunty that he would not pay for your education. And so she never posted those letters so that you could study." He explains. I sit there, listening to Aarav's words, but it feels like I'm in some sort of dream. Nothing he's saying makes sense. "Why would he do that?" I question, my mind spinning with so much information and so hurtful ones. Aarav and Mumma look at each other, "Anika, Can't you leave it at that." Maa pleads. I shake my head, it's my right to know. "It will hurt you, beta." She says, "I need to know." I reply, my tone final.

"He wanted a son." Aarav says, "He didn't like you too." He adds. "What does that mean?" I whisper. Mumma takes a deep breath, "Your father never wanted a daughter." She replies. I inhale sharply, now if I think carefully I wonder why I never noticed anything, maybe I did, but I chose to ignore it because the way my father always took my brother's favor, never scolded them, and always got them whatever they wished for, I feel it was enough for anyone to see through it, but I was too busy trying to be loved by him.
I look at mumma, "I am sorry, I should not have talked to you in that tone." Before she could say anything, I got up and walked towards my room. I need to sleep. Because that's how I like dealing with my problems.

Author's note:
How was the chapter? I am sorry for delayed updates I will try to be regular, no promises though..
Love:)