I didn’t think the day could get weirder. Haddie was hyped up on those iron supplements the doctor prescribed, saying she felt “stronger than a horse on steroids.” She took that energy straight to practice, and everything seemed fine. Until it wasn’t.
One minute, she was running a clean route, and the next, BAM, she was flat on her back, hit so hard by a linebacker that the ground shook.
From the sideline, Carson’s voice cut through the air like a siren.
“ALLIGATOR FUCK!” he screamed, flapping his hands and pacing in circles.
I whipped my head around. “Carson, not now!”
But he didn’t stop. “ALLIGATOR FUCK! ALLIGATOR FUUUUUUCK!”
“HADDIE!” I bolted across the field, Carson’s yelling still ringing in my ears.
By the time I reached her, she was sitting up, wincing and clutching her leg, which was already swelling like a balloon.
“I’m fine, Pops,” she said through gritted teeth, trying to shake it off.
“No, you’re not,” I said, crouching beside her. “Your leg looks like it’s about to explode!”
Before I could say more, Patrick appeared out of nowhere, his vampire instincts kicking in. He knelt beside Haddie, his fangs glinting in the sun.
“Move, Isiah,” he said firmly.
“What are you doing, Patrick?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“I can help,” he said, his voice low. “The swelling—it’s extra blood. If I drain it, she’ll heal faster.”
“What the fuck?!” I snapped. “You’re not biting my kid!”
“It’s fine, Pops,” Haddie said, waving me off. “I trust him.”
“What?!”
Patrick didn’t wait for more protests. He bit into her leg gently—well, as gently as a vampire could, I guess. Haddie didn’t even flinch, just stared off like it was another Tuesday.
“See? It’s working,” Patrick said, pulling back after a moment. The swelling had already started to go down.
I was too stunned to speak.
But Harrison? Oh, he was eating this up.
“Hell yeah, Haddie!” he hollered from the sideline, clapping. “You got rizz for days! Mahomes is out here biting you, and you’re just chillin’. Iconic.”
“Rizz?” I echoed, spinning around to glare at him. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
Harrison smirked. “She’s got the vibe. Cool under pressure. Even vampires can’t faze her.”
“She just got hit by a linebacker, Harrison!”
“And handled it like a boss.”
Meanwhile, Carson was still pacing and muttering, “Alligator fuck. Alligator fuck. ALLIGATOR FUUUUUCK!”
Patrick glanced up at him. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine,” Harrison said with a shrug. “He does this when he’s overstimulated. Honestly, it’s kind of endearing.”
“Endearing?!” I yelled, throwing my hands up. “My kid just got hit by a linebacker, bitten by a vampire, and now Carson’s screaming like it’s the end of the world!”
Haddie, testing her leg and grinning, said, “Feels way better.”
“That doesn’t mean this is normal!” I yelled, exasperated.
Patrick stood up, brushing dirt off his knees. “Relax, Isiah. I didn’t hurt her.”
“You bit my kid, Patrick!”
“And it worked.”
I groaned, rubbing my temples. “This is not how I imagined today going.”
“Welcome to parenting,” Harrison said, clapping me on the back. “It’s a wild ride.”
Haddie stood up, stretching. “Alright, I’m ready to get back out there.”
“No, you’re not!” I shouted.
“Yes, I am,” she said, already jogging back to the field.
“Unbelievable,” I muttered.
Patrick shrugged. “She’s tough. You should be proud.”
“I’d be prouder if she wasn’t letting vampires bite her!”
Harrison just laughed. “Come on, Isiah. Lighten up. At least we know she can handle herself—and a linebacker.”
“And a vampire,” Patrick added with a smirk.
I sighed. “I need a drink.” Carson’s voice rang out one last time in the background.
“ALLIGATOR FUUUUUUUCK!”
