Heartstrings and Secrets

Healing in the wake of goodbye

I rubbed my eyes, pushing away the fog of sleep that clung to me. My head throbbed painfully, the dull ache making me wince. As the haze lifted, I took in the dimly lit room, but something felt wrong. My body felt heavy, as if I’d been knocked out cold. I sat up slowly, my mind struggling to catch up with my surroundings.

My heart skipped a beat as I looked around. No. There, beside me, in the darkened room, was a man. His form was barely visible, but I could make out the outline of his body lying next to mine. The realization hit me like a punch to the stomach. What the hell?

A wave of panic crashed over me. My breath caught in my throat as I scrambled back, my heart racing, my mind racing even faster. I couldn’t remember anything. My thoughts were blurry, fragmented, a hazy mess of images and sounds, but nothing that made sense. I looked at the man again, trying to make out his features in the dark, but all I could see was the shape of him. The weight of my fear pressed on me.

What did I do?

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I choked on a sob as I tried to remember anything—anything that could explain this. But there was nothing. Just an overwhelming feeling of guilt and terror, and the sudden memory of how much I had drunk, how reckless I had been. I had let everything slip away, and now I didn’t know what had happened, but I was sure it wasn’t right.

I didn’t want to look at him. I couldn’t. I grabbed my clothes, pulling them on in a frantic rush, my hands shaking uncontrollably as I fumbled with the buttons and zippers. My breath came fast, panicked. I needed to leave. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t be in this room another second.

Tears streamed down my face as I bolted for the door, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn’t care about anything—anything—except getting away. The sounds of the bar still echoed faintly in my ears as I ran down the hall, my legs unsteady beneath me.

When I reached the front desk, I saw Teagen, the receptionist, slumped over her desk, asleep. The bar was a mess—dirty glass scattered across the floor, drinks spilled in patches, remnants of a chaotic night I couldn’t remember but could feel deep in my bones.

I wiped my hand across my face, trying to steady myself. I just need to go home.

With one last glance at the mess, I walked quickly past the desk and out of the bar. My hands trembled as I fumbled with my keys, unlocking the car door. I climbed inside, slamming it shut as if that would somehow lock out all the panic and confusion.

I started the engine, the roar of the car filling the silence, but it didn’t make the turmoil inside me disappear. I sped off, gripping the wheel tightly, my heart still racing. I had to get out of there. Away from the nightmare that I couldn’t understand.

My mind swirled with thoughts of the man, the events of last night, and what I had done. No matter how hard I tried to remember, everything was a blur. What the hell did I get myself into? I thought, feeling the weight of guilt crash over me. I needed to clear my head, but it felt impossible.

I grabbed my phone from the passenger seat and checked the time. It was well past one in the morning. The sky outside was pitch black, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out this late. I scrolled through my phone, my heart sinking when I saw fifty missed calls from Teagen. She must be worried sick, I thought. Today was graduation day, and here I was, a complete mess. I pulled my car into the driveway, hands shaking, and rang the doorbell.

I felt terrible for waking Teagen up at this hour, but I couldn’t stay in the car anymore. The door opened, and Teagen, clearly half asleep, mumbled something under her breath before stepping aside. Without saying a word, she flopped back down on the couch, curling up to go back to sleep.