The Reflection of Time [ongoing]

Chapter 2: Where it all Began

Year 2016 (summer)

Khael’s POV

It’s 4:00 in the afternoon. I have been lying in bed for weeks now, not even letting the sunlight into my room. I have disconnected from the outside world as if it had never been part of me to begin with. 

“We can’t just force him to do that!” abot sa aking kwarto ang sigaw ni mama. Halatang pagod na siyang makipag-usap kay papa.

Ito na ulit sila, at pakiwari ko ay ako na naman ang dahilan ng kanilang away.

“Liz, kailangan mong maintindihan na hindi nakatutulong sa anak natin ang ginagawa n’ya ngayon” malumanay na sagot ng aking ama.

“Mukha bang hindi ko yun alam? Martin ang hinihiling ko lang naman ay bigyan mo pa ng kaunting oras ang anak mo! You know what our son’s been t-through!” Her voice finally cracked, and I know she started to cry.

I bit my lip, feeling frustrated. I want them to feel better, but I don’t know how, given how unstable I am.

“I’m as worried as you! Kaya nga bilang magulang nya, we must do something!” hindi na napigilan ni papa ang kanyang emosyon at tuluyan na s’yang sumigaw. “Para rin sa ikabubuti nya itong gagawin natin. Anak ko rin si Khael, Liza. Ayaw ko rin na nakikita s’yang nagkakaganan” After that I heard nothing more from them, as if they had come to some conclusion.

And here I am, instead of thinking about their fight, I forced myself to sleep, trying to forget everything.

I just want some quiet place.

-----

After some time, a knock on my door woke me up. I looked at the clock, it was already midnight. Ang haba na naman ng naitulog ko—I probably won’t sleep again tonight.

“El, p’wede ba kaming pumasok?” wika ni mama. I wanted to give them permission, but I felt like I had lost the will to speak.

“We’re coming in, I hope you don’t mind,” my dad said. They opened the door, letting in some of the artificial lights from the hallway.

The sudden brightness hurt my eyes kaya agad akong napatalikod sa kanila. Napansin ata ito ng aking magulang at agad na sinara ang pintuan, at binuksan ang lampshade sa aking kwarto.

I could feel them approaching. They sat on the edge of my bed and they stay quiet for a moment.

Although my body felt weak, I forced myself to sit up and face them.

“Nak, your mother and I have something to tell you,” Dad said, looking at me seriously.

“Ano po iyon?” tanong ko.

“Khael, your mom and I have decided that you should stay in my hometown, sa Batangas,” my dad said. “Wala masyadong ingay at tao doon, unlike here in Manila. It is also close to beaches and mountains that you always like to go to.” His tone held conviction.

“Ano sa palagay mo, El? We won’t force you now if you don’t want to” Mom said.

“I will go po,” saad ko. Bakas sa kanilang mukha ang pagkagulat dahil sa aking pagpayag. They probably think that it would take days to convince me. But from my perspective, if they are happy to send me somewhere nice, I will gladly oblige.

“Really? Will you go tomorrow?” My mom’s eyes sparkled with hope.

“Sinta ko, maghunos-dili ka. Let him decide,” my father said, though it was clear he was just as pleased. He was smiling brightly, a smile I hadn’t seen for weeks. I miss them.

“I’m okay with whatever Mom wants, Dad,” I said. The two of them pulled me into a hug, and I felt my mom’s tears. They both said goodnight and left my room.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kisame hanggang sa mapatingin ako sa direksyon kung saan nakapwesto ang balkonahe ng aking kwarto.

Gathering my strength, I got up and opened the door, at agad na bumungad sa akin ang malamig na simoy ng hangin.

I didn’t want to leave.

Just the thought of me leaving made my chest tighten. But seeing the hope in my mom’s eyes made me give in. If it’s for their sake, I will go. Even if it meant leaving the only place that felt safe right now.

I let out a sigh and looked up at the sky. My mind filled with thoughts of what might happen in my father’s hometown and what could possibly change in me. Anxiety built with each thought.

“Can you please be kind to me, just for now?” saad ko habang nakatingala sa kalangitan, nakikiusap sa kung sino mang nasa itaas na nanonood sa akin.

After a while, I went back inside and decided to sleep. Tomorrow would surely be a tiring day, so I thought it was best to rest while I could.

Humiga na ako sa aking higaan ngunit hindi ako dinalaw ng antok.

Ang gabi na ito ay napuno na naman ng katanungan at patuloy na binabalot ng negatibong emosyon ang buo kong pagkatao hanggang sa tuluyan na akong mahirapan sa paghinga.

Ngunit hindi ako nito hinahayaang mamatay. It surely know how to keep someone alive to watch them suffer. (negative thoughts)

How long must you stay like this, Khael? I wonder.