Tayvis oneshots

tied together with a smile

TW-sh, body dysmorphia 

taylor's pov

i get out of the shower and run a towel over my body.disgust floods me as i look down and i turn the light of the bathroom off so i couldn't see my body.i hate what i see whenever i look at myself in the mirror. i'm disgusting. i throw on an oversized hoodie and a pair of leggings and leave the bathroom.

i find Travis sat on the bed scrolling through his phone, waiting for me to get in bed so we can go to sleep.i go over to him and curl up in his lap.i felt like shit. 

"hey baby girl." 

i let out a soft moan in recognition of his words, not in the mood for talking.

he lays down and pulls me on top of him.he slightly pushes up the back of my hoodie and rubs and scratches my back.i bury my head in his shoulder and close my eyes tightly.i prayed that i would fall asleep and i never would wake up again.i didn't necessarily want to die i just didn't want to...be alive?i didn't want to be me.

travis slightly tugs on my hoodie, 

"can i take this off love?" 

i was quick to shake my head, not wanting him to see the cuts i'd created over me arms whilst i was in the shower.he frowns slightly but respects my decision and just lets it go.this is why i loved him.

i cuddle into him more and my clothes shifted slightly.my hips were now bare.my hips were now bare.shit.not good.not good at all.i reach to adjust my clothes but travis' hands had already made their way to my hips.stupid, possessive, touchy twat. 

i looked at his face to gauge his reaction but he had his eyes shut.good.thats good.he couldn't see the bloody mess i'd made on my hips.i shut my eyes and sigh, trying to calm myself. i place my head on his chest and breathe deeply.in 1,2,3,4 out 1,2,3,4.he rubs my hips slightly and  have to bite back a wince. he keeps caressing my hips until he suddenly freezes.i feel him tense underneath me and i match his physicality.

"baby..." he says, his voice more quiet and unsure then usual. 

"y-yea...?" i curse myself at the stutter in my voice.so fucking stupid.i can't even talk properly.stupid fucking idiot.

i'm snapped out of my thoughts as i feel travis reach underneath my arms and pull me closer towards him. 

"love...can i see...?please..." he knew.shit.i look up at him with the face of innocence 

"see what baby?" i say and try to hide the tremor in my voice. 

"don't act stupid baby..." 

i sit up with tears in my eyes and i hesitantly roll my sleeves up.i see his eyes well with tears as he stares at my arms.cut after cut after cut.row after row after row.i look down at my own arms. i'm a freak. a fucking freak.why can't i just deal with pain like a normal person?

 "baby... why...?"he asks, breaking the deafening silence.

 "i-i don't know...i don't know okay?"the words come out sharper then i intended and i don't know why i'm getting so defensive. 

"hey hey...don't be like that love..."

 "just leave me the fuck alone." i don't feel like myself.this isn't me.i don't know why i'm acting like this...

i begin to stand up but travis grabs my hand and pull me back down. 

"you don't have to talk love but there's no way i'm letting you out of my sight," he says gently but authoritatively.i sigh and lay back down next to him 

"don't touch me," i say dryly.he respects my statement and give me my space 

"i'm here to talk to when you want to" he says softly.i nod in response and close my eyes.i shuffle closer to him and bury myself against his chest.he wraps his arms around me but i shove them off of me, his touch making my skin burn.he moves his arms away and just lets me use him as pillow.

i was already feeling quite sleepy and dizzy due to the loss of blood so i fell asleep quite quickly.

~~~

i wake up hours later to travis light stroking my hair.the bright burns my eyes and use my hand to shade them.i turn to look at travis. 

"morning princess"he says in that soothing voice he always does when he knows i'm not feeling the best

"morning..."i mumble

"i bandaged your cuts for you.you managed to do quite a lot of damage baby."

i look down at myself to realise that he had in fact bandaged me up.my thighs and upper arms were wrapped, with plasters on my hips. "thanks..."

"i care about you, okay love?i don't want you doing this again, please.come to me next time you get the urge you talk to me, okay?even if we're not together, you can call me, text me, no matter the time"

i nod, thankful for him.i can't believe i got so lucky. "thank you...i love you"

"i love you more baby girl"

i cuddle into him more and close my eyes, feeling safe and comforted.