Tolerate

chapter seventeen

I leave the key in my mailbox just for you.
So you don't call when you're coming over,
you just do.
We fall asleep on the couch I refuse to move,
cause it's the only time that I'm ever sleeping
next to you.

—

"Promise we're gonna be best friends forever?" Harper asks me as her head rests on my shoulder.

She came over a little while ago after her parents got into an argument, she came inside after using the key that I hid in a secret place just for her.. well, and my mom.

"I promise." I say as I squeeze my friend's hand, knowing that's all she's ever going to want from me.

friendship.

But that's not what I want from her.. Even though we're just in high school, I can see myself spending the rest of my life loving this girl..

"You should get to sleep, it's late." I say softly but to my surprise, Harper has already drifted off into a deep slumber. I make myself comfortable on the small couch to the best of my ability without waking her.

—

When you go on and on about things that you believe,
yeah, that's the closest to god that I will ever be.
we don't need to talk, our eyes can speak.
I only need one sign to match your energy.
And everyone knows it's up against the world.

—

After being invited to a bonfire that was hosted by the school, the whole school split off into their own friend groups and surrounded the large fire pit.

I'm on one side, sitting with my small group of friends who laugh and talk with each other but I don't join in. Instead, my eyes are focused on the blonde girl sitting with her larger group of friends.

Our eyes stare into one another's as if we can carry a conversation without saying any words. Small smirks and grins cover our lips before she tilts her head to a more private, secluded area.

I quickly get up from my seat which makes my friends ask where I'm heading off to so quickly. I explain that I'm going somewhere more quiet but when they see you walk over to me, they all smirk.

"Hurry back Harper!" I hear Layne, Harper's best friend, shout to her. Harper just rolls her eyes and grabs my hand. "Ignore her, come with me."

—

But she won't see you like I do
She won't see you from my view
It's like we're both looking up,
and I'm under a storm
And you're seeing sky blue

—

"Can I tell you a secret?" Harper asks me softly as we lay in my bed. I turn onto my side and nod. "I.. I think I have a crush on a girl.." She whispers with hesitation.

My heart begins to race. "A girl?"

Harper frowns, "I.. I don't like boys, Reneè." She sits up as she begins to rant. "But I don't want that to change our friendship.. you're the only person I've told cause I'm just so scared of this being my reality.. I don't want my whole life to change just because I like girls."

I sit up and take Harper's hand. "I like girls too." I say to stop her nervous rant. "I actually like a girl.."

"You do?" She asks softly. "Who do you like?"

I clear my throat and gulp, "I.. I can't say.. It would ruin the relationship I have with her."

Harper's eyes widen, "You have a crush on Layne too!" She says loudly, I quickly cover her mouth.

"Shush!"

No. I don't have a crush on Layne. I have a crush on Harper.. but now it's obvious that she doesn't feel the same way.

—

"Oh my god, I forgot I had a crush on Layne!" I exclaim with a laugh as Reneè and I talk about our pasts and what inspired her to write this song.

"Oh you did.. and I had the biggest fattest crush on you. It was horrible." Reneè lays down on the bed and covers her face with her hands. "I wanted you to look at me, not Layne." She rolls her eyes.

I grin and pull her hands away from her face and press a gentle kiss to her lips. "I only have eyes for you."

Renee smiles cheekily and pulls me into her tight embrace. "You're so fucking cute." I lift my head and grin. "What.." Reneè asks.

I just shake my head and cuddle against her. "Nothing."

I just love you.