Fallen Amidst

Ending ?

The tree I'm sitting under feels like it understands me. It's not big or strong like the others surrounding it. It looks tired, its branches thin and drooping, as though it's been carrying too much for too long. Just like me. I don't know why I chose this spot, but maybe deep down, I needed something that felt as out of place as I do.

Everyone around me thinks I'm this lively, enthusiastic person. I smile, I laugh, I talk like I have everything figured out. I've gotten good at it-pretending. But inside, it's a different story. There's this heaviness in my chest that I can't shake, like a storm raging quietly, just out of sight.

I can't tell anyone about it. I mean, how do you even begin to explain something like this? The battles I fight inside my head feel too personal, too raw. And even if I did talk about it, would anyone really understand? It's exhausting, acting like I'm okay when all I want to do is curl up and let myself fall apart.

Sitting here, I think about everything that's happened. It feels like a bad dream-blurry at the edges, with no clear beginning or end. I try to piece it together, but the more I think, the more it hurts. Is this pain hatred? Love? Betrayal? I don't know. All I feel is this dull ache that refuses to leave.

And then there are the questions, the ones that keep circling my mind, refusing to let go. Was I that easy to discard? I think about how quickly I was thrown aside, as if I meant nothing. Was I just a game, something to pass the time? The thought makes my chest tighten, the hurt sharper.

I feel so used, like some disposable cup tossed away after it's served its purpose. Was I not worth anything more? Was my heart just a toy to be played with and discarded?

The answers don't come, and maybe they never will. All I know is that right now, I feel so small, so insignificant.

The sharp ring of my phone startled me, pulling me out of the tangled mess of my thoughts. I glanced at the screen-it was Aurora. Huh, Aurora. The popular girl in my class, effortlessly charming with her pretty face, countless friends, and that angelic voice. Sometimes, I catch myself wishing I could be her. Life seems so easy for her, so full of light and laughter, while mine feels like it's unraveling at the seams.

Shaking off the thought, I picked up the call.

"You're late for the Japanese class," she said in her usual sing-song tone.

"I'm coming," I replied, cutting the call before she could say anything else.

Japanese class. I had joined it on a whim, thinking it might help me stay busy, keep my mind occupied. But instead of being the escape I hoped for, it's just another pain in my ass. I sighed, pushing myself up from the base of the tree and brushing off the dirt from my jeans.

College life is already overwhelming, and this class only adds to the chaos. My exams are going on, and I'm barely scraping by, especially in math. Math-my sworn enemy these days. I used to be good at it. Actually, I used to be good at everything. There was a time when I was the one everyone looked up to, the one who aced every test and left the class in awe.

But now? I can't even keep my grades above water. If I don't get my act together soon, my CGPA is going to take a nosedive. It's embarrassing to think about how far I've fallen. I used to be that student-the one who got all A+ marks, the one teachers would praise endlessly. Now, I'm just struggling to pass, barely keeping it together.

And I know exactly when it all started.

It was in 12th grade, the year everything fell apart. The year he left. That incident, that person-it was like a switch flipped inside me. Everything I had worked so hard for, all the dreams and ambitions, they just... faded.

I still don't understand how one person could have such a hold on me, how one experience could change the course of my life so completely. But it did. And no matter how much I try to move on, the weight of it still clings to me, pulling me down every step of the way.