ABANDONED

the introduction

Looking at her I knew she was not going to change her mind.it seems she has been waiting for this moment for a long time but had been patient enough to wait for the right time .but how is all this possible ,how can my own mother treat like this ,how can she disown me now when I need her support the most. Maybe all this is just an expensive joke  and it will be over soon then we will get to laugh about it  later.or maybe am just delusional this is my reality. “Mom please let’s talk about this ,we can fix .you can’t do this to me.i won’t be able to survive on my own .it’s cold out here, please give me chance please.” She looked at me without any emotions and said,” all that is now your problem young lady ,you sort yourself out,you should have thought about all that before you opened your little legs for men so deal with it.what a shame” just like that she slammed the door in my face  before I could even process what she had said.so there I was seated in front of the house and that was my reality. I was 16.PREGNANT and ABANDONED.

My" dilemma"

Panting heavily, I was in the  woods running, something was chasing me …. I ran as fast as my feet could  carry me  ,I felt something almost catching up on me.my chest was tightening, am tired .this feels too familiar its almost as if I have been here before ….no no no .then I opened my eyes. Thank God!  am fine it was all a nightmare.i have come to accept that this is how it’s going to be.the vivid dreams had become a consistent part of my nights.

I have tried everything  to stop them but nothing has worked so far .one time I even  placed my teddy under the  pillow  hoping that would do the magic lol….dont look at me like that ….i know it was a dump idea but I was so desperate for a good night’s sleep.This was affecting my productivity at school.i sat up on my bed and let my feet  touch the cold floor ,that should wake me up completely .Going to school has been such a task these days.

 This new hatred for school better stop!!!! ,I can’t afford to fail after all the warnings  my mom gave me I did be signing my death warrant.i have always managed to keep up with straight As  anything below that and I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

I dragged my feet to the bathroom took a good cold shower ….I love my warm baths but today I am kinda running late so the shower did the job.my favorite body butter smells funny lately,I have been using glycerine  atleast it doesn’t smell like a dust bin ….

We outgrow stuff sometimes I guess.after I was done with my breakfast I went to say goodbye to mom ,she didn’t answer …like always but that didn’t bother me.. I had gotten used to it  and I was not going to let it ruin my mood today. I was going to try and make the best of of today.

My school Is a walkable distance.about 2 streets away actually ,exchanging pleasantries with people in the neighborhood .The old lady by the corner house is always by the gate , I can bet my money on it ,everytime she looks at me it’s as if  she has something to say but never does anyway .she raises her hand to respond to my greetings .that look of concern and judgement in her eyes. Shortly after am at the school gate .

The first thing I see is that red car …and I could feel myself getting overwhelmed already,did he have to be the first person I see ,what a way to spoil my day .I HATE HIM.those memories I tried burying  deep down always creeps up everytime I see him how am I supposed to forget .