Broken One (Book 1 of Osmani Family)

Prolog

Prolog:

Wherever I look I see people dressed in black. Some are looking after my reactions, which is me looking coldly at the ground. Some are fake crying which is making me irritated and it doesn't help that I have a headache. Then there are the ones that are just watching us without even blinking as if we were some circus show. The weather is cold, too cold for October.

Grandfather is standing beside me. He, compared to me, is showing everything. His tears never stop running down. He puts his hand on my shoulder. The hand feels heavy and wrong and I just want to shrug it away. But I know that if I do then it will be heard by everyone in just five minutes. The grandson who shrugged his own grandfather and didn't care. I won't let them see my weakness.

All of them are liars. Liars that don't care about us at all. On my right side my siblings and cousin are standing beside me. Well almost every one of my siblings. Amara, my oldest sister, isn't here for her own mother's funeral. And she only told me by writing a text about some exam she can't miss. I spent the night before calling her over and over again to explain. But she didn't answer.

Amara and our mother didn't have a really good relationship, not like mother had with Elma, my youngest sister who is twin with my youngest brother Osman. Still I had expected that she would come to the funeral of our mother. Our father had died ten years ago on duty, he had been a cop. After our father's death there had only been mother and grandfather. They had raised them. And now there was only grandfather left.

I look over at each of my siblings. Jan is looking with red eyes at the ground. Dijon, our cousin, is looking at grandfather with concern. Osman is openly crying and Elma....she is looking at everybody just like I did. With no facial emotions. Not giving a hint to the people about what she is feeling.

I look over at Adela who is crying. Her tears ran down her cheeks. For a few moments I watch her tears fall down. For a few seconds I feel jealous of her. Adela could cry without having over 50 people watching every move you do, judge you and gossip about you to others. After a few moments I turned my attention back to the ground. I could hear footsteps and looked over.

The imam came and the funeral started. If somebody asked me how it went and everything I wouldn't know what to say. Everything was a blur. I don't even remember the moment where I took my mother and laid her down on the ground. Don't even remember the moment I laid soil over my mother's body. I did everything like a robot.

¨ Let's go home grandfather. They are tired, it's time to leave.¨ I said and looked over at my siblings who were looking at the grave with tears in their eyes, tired eyes.

¨ You're right. It's time.¨ grandfather said.

The moment the car stops and I look over the house that held so many memories that I wanted to puke. They would go to the house where their mother once had laughed, slept and just been there for us. Now we would go to a house that would be cold and there won't be a mother waiting there with a smile on her face and telling jokes that aren't funny but would still make us laugh.

After their father had died, she had promised me that she wouldn't leave us. That she would always be there for us when we needed her. She didn't keep her promise. And now it was my time to step up and take care of the rest of my family. But how would I do that when all I feel is anger and brokenness? Anger that she died and left them and brokenness because I don't know what to do.

With a deep breath I open the car door and step out. I hear the other car doors close. For a moment I close my eyes and imagine my mother's smile and laugh. The moment I do, I feel warmth through my whole body. I open my eyes and start walking toward the front door.

¨ I'm going to my room for a few minutes.¨ I say and start walking towards my room without waiting for an answer.

The moment I close my bedroom door, my knees go down and the tears that I haven't shed were falling. I could feel a sob rising up my throat. I put a clenched hand on my mouth to stop the sob. It didn't help at all. Still it went up and the sounds I made I knew they all could probably hear.

I couldn't stop it. It went on and on. I felt someone hug him behind his back. The smell of brownies filled my nostrils telling him that it was Elma.

¨ It's okay vëllai, let it out.¨ she said in a small voice. And I did exactly what she said. I let it out. Elma just kept saying it was okay brother and kept hugging me harder for each sob I let out. A few seconds later I felt more arms around me.

After a while the sobs and tears stopped and I turned to look at Elma and the sight made me feel pain in my heart. While she had been comforting him, she had been silently crying without me realizing it.

I cupped her cheek with one of my hands and with the other one I wiped away her tears. I leaned my forehead against hers.

¨ We will be okay. I promise you that whenever you need someone to talk to or just need me I will be there.¨ I said in a whisper looking at her green eyes that looked just like mine.

¨Promise?¨ she said in a small voice, one tear running down one of her cheeks.

I nodded and tilted my head back to look over at my other siblings who were also looking with tears in their eyes on me. ¨ I promise, no matter what I will always be there for you all.¨

The imam came and the funeral started. If somebody asked me how it went and everything I wouldn't know what to say. Everything was a blur. I don't even remember the moment where I took my mother and laid her down on the ground. Don't even remember the moment I laid soil over my mother's body. I did everything like a robot.

¨ Let's go home grandfather. They are tired, it's time to leave.¨ I said and looked over at my siblings who were looking at the grave with tears in their eyes, tired eyes.

¨ You're right. It's time.¨ grandfather said.

The moment the car stops and I look over the house that held so many memories that I wanted to puke. They would go to the house where their mother once had laughed, slept and just been there for us. Now we would go to a house that would be cold and there won't be a mother waiting there with a smile on her face and telling jokes that aren't funny but would still make us laugh.

After their father had died, she had promised me that she wouldn't leave us. That she would always be there for us when we needed her. She didn't keep her promise. And now it was my time to step up and take care of the rest of my family. But how would I do that when all I feel is anger and brokenness? Anger that she died and left them and brokenness because I don't know what to do.

With a deep breath I open the car door and step out. I hear the other car doors close. For a moment I close my eyes and imagine my mother's smile and laugh. The moment I do, I feel warmth through my whole body. I open my eyes and start walking toward the front door.

¨ I'm going to my room for a few minutes.¨ I say and start walking towards my room without waiting for an answer.

The moment I close my bedroom door, my knees go down and the tears that I haven't shed were falling. I could feel a sob rising up my throat. I put a clenched hand on my mouth to stop the sob. It didn't help at all. Still it went up and the sounds I made I knew they all could probably hear.

I couldn't stop it. It went on and on. I felt someone hug him behind his back. The smell of brownies filled my nostrils telling him that it was Elma.

¨ It's okay vëllai, let it out.¨ she said in a small voice. And I did exactly what she said. I let it out. Elma just kept saying it was okay brother and kept hugging me harder for each sob I let out. A few seconds later I felt more arms around me.

After a while the sobs and tears stopped and I turned to look at Elma and the sight made me feel pain in my heart. While she had been comforting him, she had been silently crying without me realizing it.

I cupped her cheek with one of my hands and with the other one I wiped away her tears. I leaned my forehead against hers.

¨ We will be okay. I promise you that whenever you need someone to talk to or just need me I will be there.¨ I said in a whisper looking at her green eyes that looked just like mine.

¨Promise?¨ she said in a small voice, one tear running down one of her cheeks.

I nodded and tilted my head back to look over at my other siblings who were also looking with tears in their eyes on me. ¨ I promise, no matter what I will always be there for you all.¨