Star-taled

Prologue

Being closer to death has made me feel alive. Nothing matters anymore. The specks of morning sunlight made me realize everything will keep moving on even if I don't exist. What do I miss sitting here? Probably nothing. It aches all over my body. Every morning I wake up to see lilies and a note near my bed stand. I smile lazily knowing now who that person is.

"Ms. Insiya, do you want me to help you go to the restroom?" I gather my strength to get up from the bed. I shake my head, and Rina still comes to my side. She is assigned as my nurse throughout my hospital stay.

"Thank you for asking Rina, but I can go" I inform her, stretching my arms and legs. She exits the room closing the door and leaving me with my thoughts. I empty my bladder, brush my teeth and splash water on my face. I can see my arms losing the weight. I sigh pulling my hair to the side, my eyes widen seeing the hair on the floor, and then everything becomes blurry. I take the wall as a support and blink wiping the tears that slipped through my eyes. I take a deep breath, humming my favourite nasheed I reflect on the woman in the mirror and braid my hair.

Honestly, I never felt this grateful and humbled to have my limbs. I would die of shame if someone saw my private parts. I know no one likes it, but being in bed and dependent on someone to clean me, I would choose death over this. Alhamdulillah, I was born with hands that help me lift my stuff, legs that help me commute, eyes that let me see, and a brain that functions and understands. I considered these blessings as minute; only to know not even wealth can buy these blessings that I have been blessed with. They say it takes a fall to know you need to be humble, I learned the hard way, for me it was divorce, losing my child and a doctor who wrote I'm going to die soon.