Everybody in the front room is staring at The Gold Gilded Envelope that just came through the male slot and landed at the foot of my uncle's Penny loafers. After a few moments that seemed like it took much longer. My uncle bend down and picked It up and opened it. And after he read It he said what the bullshit is this. Harry has been approved to go to some fancy Academy. And the name of this Academy doesn't make any sense. Yes he has been approved to go to Hogwarts Magical school of Witchcraft And Sorcery. Yes what the shit is this. Because it doesn't Make any sense. Somebody I know at work must be pranking me. Because they know who My nephew Harry is so they must be playing a trick on me or something. After my uncle finished speaking my aunt Petunia shuddered very dramatically and said Fucking Shit No way in hell is this happening now. And then she said give it to me now because this is serious. So my uncle handed the letter to my Aunt Petunia. And she said we must deal with this situation before this escalates to far. Yes because I'm not letting my nephew Harry turn out like my Fucking Sister did no way Fucking in hell am I going to let this happen Again!!!!!!!. Everybody is staring at my Aunt Petunia with puzzlement upon their faces especially me. And before I can do anything about the situation she walked over to the fireplace and started a blazing fire and then she tossed the letter into the fireplace burning it to ash. And then she said I hope to god that this settled this fucking problem and that it will not flare up again. And then she started shuddering and shaking very violently with nerves and emotions. And after this bout of nervous tension bled out of her she looked around at us and said we must be leaving this place right now. Yes we have to get away from our place of residence. Maybe they will not find us if we go someplace far away and very isolated and off the map. Knock on wood she said and then she snapped her fingers at us and said everybody pack all of your Shit up that will last you for a month of vacation because we are leaving Right now!!!!! .Yes freaking right Now!!!!!. And she started glaring at every one of us daring us to defy her. And then all at once a burning anger and rage started flaring up inside of my heart and soul and I reached into my pocket and grasp my blue Aggus I mean Philosophers stone and I started glaring daggers at my Aunt Petunia. The same way she is glaring at us. And now specifically me. And this staring competition lasted about ten minutes until My Uncle said what in the hell is going on here?. Tell me now I must fucking know what's happening and going on. And before anybody can do anything a strong gust of wind went down through the fireplace and put out the fire and a flock of letters started flying into the room from the fireplace fluttering everywhere around the front room. And for some reason everybody magically find themselves setting down accept for me. And my uncle somehow found himself sitting on his lazy boy recliner. And my aunt was all at once sitting on her chair and my fat cousin Dudley automatically teleported himself and plopped himself upon My Aunts lap. Yes, that was freaking weird like it was magic or something. And when this was happening I saw a opportunity to read one of these Hogwart's Letters for myself so I jumped up upon the couch and grabbed one of them and started to read it and to see what this is all about.
