So What , That's It? -George Clarke

Part 7: mother

As we arrive at the boy apartment I feel kinda shaken up no clue why but I do just be weird like that. George told us to just walk in when we get here so we do. I see Chris sat on the sofa and he just says "Catch." As he continues to throw a bag of m&ms at me "That's so bestie coded , thanks" I say as I look around for Arthur or George , mostly George but I don't leave people out. Arthur's in the kitchen "Hey Arthur." I spoke as I swung myself up onto the counter "yeahhhh." He replied so I quickly say "Shut up. I hate you. That song it to stuck in my brain for you to be doing that."

He just laughs at me as I see George walk out his room. "Hey making yourself at home then." George exclaimed and my brain immediately thought he looked cute , but in a friend way , it's always been in a friendly way. "Always mi casa is su casa." I said confidently and he started laughing and said "You absolutely butchered that plus you that literally means my house is your house." Why is he always right, ugh he's annoying very very funny but at the same time very annoying.

Everyone is sat at the living room as we watch scream 2 and I'll be real I was very scared, obviously it's fake but I just hate movies anyways. I'll happily watch 8 hours of sidemen videos I've already watched but movies are just boring. I'm looking around a bit and George was dead ass just starring at me. I wave slightly and he just smiled awkwardly before turning back to the screen. And all I could think about is that is was weird but I just panic and look at the screen too because whenever I don't know what to do I just copy someone else.

For some reason something about watching this silly movie made me so underwhelmed and overwhelmed at the exact same time and it was kinda freaking me out. "I'm just gunna grab a drink." I announced to the room ,  i wasn't going to get a drink I was going to the bathroom to just calm myself down. I get into the bathroom and just shut the door behind me , whenever I have these moments I just remember everything bad I've ever heard and I mean every thing .

I feel like my family are very much to blame about how I act but I love me so who cares. I did used to hate there arguing though because it does ruin my life even now I've moved away. My dad called me today saying that my brother punctured my dads tire because of something my dad said about my mum. I didn't grow up in the richest area and he didn't have the money for it so he was asking for money. Seems like a common theme, the calls from my family literally have a template nowadays . Hi, random problem and a beg for money. Sometimes I wish I could just change my number but I do love them they just don't seem to love me , I wonder how many times I'll have to make excuses for them to keep myself happy. I'm delusional but self aware about it but I always send the money over anyways.

There's only one reason I wish I stayed home , my little brother Rory. He's the only person in my family who is reasonable and we always call. He's 10 years old but actually cares about me and of course I care about him ; he's probably the only one from my family to have asked me how my days been in the past 3 years. Which is kinda crazy now that I think of it , sometimes I wonder if there's a way I could get custody of him because I would feel a lot better with him under my care. I'm only 23 but I could definitely take care of him better then everyone else under that roof could.

All these thoughts about my family make me feel a bit sorry for myself so I just pull my AirPods out of my pocket and start blasting my favourite songs because they always make me feel better. I sit down on the floor and close my eyes and just relax. My playlist plays by That's so true , so American,  what was I made for , burning down and I was now listening to not a lot just forever. 'I could be a good mother , And I wanna be your wife' is what I heard in my ears as I felt something jolt my shoe , I panic and open my eyes looking up to see George.

I pull my AirPods out my ear and he calmly spoke "You okay?" See if I wanted to be honest I could just start pouring my feelings out but that would fair , so instead I just say "Yeah I'm all good , just needed a minute." He just kinda stared at me and I think he knew I was lying but instead of making me talk he just asked "Do you want cleanser?" I stare at him for a second and he picks up a small mirror next to him pointing it at me , as I saw my reflection I saw my mascara stream down my face slightly so I just nod.