Karlie

Chapter Two-Confidence

Ahhhhhh.

I told you, sighing is part of my everyday life. And these cool cotton bedsheets in my apartment feel so much better than plastic checkout chairs. Finally, after a long day of unnerving customers and sweltering heat, I'm in my safe place.

At first I had been scared to move out of my parent's house. I mean, after you've lived with your Mum and Dad for all your life and have grown accustomed to somebody living with you and taking care of everything, it's a huge challenge to just step into the outside world without having any confidence issues.

Right. No more pondering, I think to myself. It's Karaoke time.

Excitedly flinging open the laptop, I find Taylor Swift's 'Bad Blood,' her latest single, and decide to give it a try.

I mean, what's the harm?

My singing is the harm, that's what I soon come to realise.

It's so shrill and piercing, I'm convinced it causes actual harm. I'm seriously tempted to search the number of the local ear doctor in case any of my neighbours need it.

You know, come to think of it, I don't always sound crap. Actually sometimes I sound pretty good, depending on the song. But now, as I shriek 'Cause baby now we got baaad bloooood!!!' I sound like a dying cat. No, not like a dying cat. Worse.

However the lyrics are catchy. And the music...well. I don't know if I can put it into words what music does to me. Every hauntingly good hook, every hard-hitting beat, every strum of every string puts me in a trance. I feel like I can surround myself by a comforting, cushioned wall of music, where each note hits exactly when it's supposed to and never lets you down.

That's what it is. Music is reliable.

It's a daydream already come true.

Speaking of daydreams, I have a few. Well, 'a few' is an understatment.

From early days, I'd always known music would play a vastly important role in my life. I knew from the moment I danced to the notes of the 'Barney'  theme song (yeah I watched Barney. He's a dancing purple dinasour, who the hell didn't?) that I would be forever in love. Not with Barney. With music.

I've been writing songs since I was eight years old. From 5 line songs where I whined about Tommy from school stealing my teddy bear, to 130 line songs where I whined about Tommy from school stealing my heart. And naturally, I loved singing too. Even though my voice could be hit and miss.

But I wasn't that outgoing, confident young girl that you'd imagine I was. The kind who stood up and sang a song spontaneously. The kind who showed off her lyrics to her friends and parents. Nope. I kept it all under my belt. I told everyone I wanted to be an author, because naturally the teachers recognized my writing talent so I decided that writing books was kind of similar to writing songs, and that was the end of that. But I knew, I just knew that nobody would ever believe in me.

Karlie? The sensitive, quiet, reserved child who sat alone at a desk and obediently did her work, not caring for dancing or singing with the other children, a performer? A musician?

You've got to admit, it does a sound a little weird.

So now, at 22 years old, I'm working in the local supermarket and still haven't pursued a creative career yet. And you know why?

Because I'm too damn afraid to.