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It isn't true that I want to be like that turtle and be alone. What's true is that I want Ellis back, but she can never come back, ever, ever. Not the way she was, anyway. And it's true that I miss Mikey and DannyBoy, and I even miss Evan and Dump, and sometimes I miss my mother, even though missing her feels more like anger than sadness, like I feel when I think about Ellis, and even that, really, isn't true, because while I say sadness what I really mean is black hole inside me filled with nails and rocks and broken glass and the words I don't have anymore.

Ellis, Ellis.

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