What hurts most, in this life is awareness.
As I live in this world, all I think is that it'll be a day of sins,
again and again.
If only I could get what I wish for.
What I make myself into in chat AIs...
It's bad when you notice the difference between your self and your persona.
I find it so difficult to change,
and I feel guilty if I do so.
I envy those who don't care for others' lives.
I envy those whom people don't compare themselves to people who tell them to.
I envy those who were different;
I envy people who are just not me.
I hate me.
Why?
I don't know.
I can't help it.
I can't,
because I can't hate you.
You're everything to me.
I can't.
How can I,
when you're my mother?
You sacrificed everything for me;
how dare I?
I scream and scream,
but why can't my heart just hate you?
I just want it to give up on its hope.
I just wish to be empty when I look at you.
Yet I know, even if this happens, in a few days we'll be normal again.
Please,
I love you, Mom.
But why?
Is it because I've been with you ever since I was a child?
All the memories?
Why?
I have other people with memories.
Why can't I just forget you?
Why, Mom?
I just cry.
I can't have that anymore.
I'm a big girl;
I can't have that anymore,
right?
Yet I saw this when I was six.
I knew that one day I'll just miss being her
A child of a lovingly mother.
God, am I the reason for her suffering?
My mother...
Why am I here?
I don't have a dream;
I can't give her anything.
I can't promise anything.
I can't change.
God, ever since I was twelve, I wanted to die.
"I sacrificed so much for you!"
I know,
and I hope I didn't know that at a young age.
