High On You (Phan) // Unfinished

Chapter 4

I gave trigger-warnings in the description of what would be discussed in this phanfiction, but I wanted to give a heads-up that this chapter does have a little blurb about thoughts related to suicide. Just warning you. Of course there is the usual strong language, but I'm sure you guys don't mind that. :)

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Phil ended up buying more shots when he got tipsy enough that he didn't have the sense to not buy more alcohol. I stomach alcohol a lot better than him, I've found out. Watching him trip over himself while I had drank probably more than him and still felt sort-of sober was extremely amusing.

"We should like, dance." he yelled after his fifth shot of vodka.

"What do you even mean by that?" I shouted, we had to talk a lot louder than usual considering how loud the music was. I also chuckled but I am pretty sure he couldn't hear that.

"I mean like, I want to dance with you! But not like that, just-- you know."

I want to dance with you. But not like that. He doesn't want to like slow-dance with me to club music. I get it. He doesn't want to 'dance dirty' with me. I get it.

I don't want to dance like that with him either.

Right?

I threw my arm around his shoulders and started pushing him towards the dance floor with me. There was a large amount of people there already.

The music pulsed throughout the building, I could feel the bass in my chest; I could feel it everywhere. Phil and I looked at each other as we jumped to the music, surrounded by others doing the same.

Then five minutes later I had managed to lose a drunk Phil. A man that I barely knew. It wasn't really my responsibility to keep track of him, but I feel like it was, because I was his ride and he was coming back to my flat.

"Phil?!" I shouted in dismay over the crowd. I pushed through the giant group of dancing people, seeing many couples grinding on each other, some making out, and some possibly going a bit further than kissing, but I couldn't really tell with just strobe lights...

"Phil?!" I continued screaming it until my vocal chords hurt.

And that was when I saw him.

He had his hands all over a woman. She was grinding her ass on his junk with her hand going up into his hair, and he was moving his hands down her waist and onto her thighs.

It suddenly felt like I couldn't speak any words even if I wanted to, there was a lump in my throat. My heart dropped to my stomach. I felt like my chest was getting sat on and I couldn't catch my breath, and my lungs had stopped functioning.

I'll just leave him to have fun.

Maybe I wouldn't be his ride, maybe I would be leaving by myself because he decided to go with that girl. That's okay.

That's fine.

He did want a girlfriend. Maybe they'll go sleep together and he will decide that he wants to be in a relationship with her, and he will completely forget about me; the guy that he spent one day hanging out with. I'm irrelevant. No one would want a friend like me. Maybe she will help him forget he ever met me. I hope she does, if I was him I wouldn't have wanted to meet me. I would've met the most worthless person ever. Me.

I sat down at the bar again. "I want another six shots of vodka."

He handed them to me almost immediately, there weren't many people at the bar anymore.