1987 // l.h

Prologue

Sydney Australia, 1987

"Jean" Andrew looked at me before taking in a sharp breath, breaking the silence like shattering glass. I could feel my heart thumping almost as if it were to break out of my chest, my whole body felt as if it were on fire but through the pain and suffering I knew what I had to do.

"Andrew I'm leaving you" I spat rather harshly, not even looking at him. I could tell what I had said would break him, hell it's breaking me, but I couldn't live like this anymore. Andrew and I, we were unconditionally and irrevocably In love. Every part of me belonged to him, it was like I live and breathed him. Some might say that what we had was true love, and that I am horribly foolish to throw that away; But what I saw was this: My mother and my father. They were high school sweet hearts, sort of like Andrew and I, they were each other's other half. Everything about them was perfect to the outside world and the inside as well, but as high school ended so did their sanity. Love became obsession, obsession became jealousy and tragically jealousy became hatred. When I was four they split and ever since I have been into their eyes and have seen the way they see each other. What I had was a terrible case of fear that I would end up like them. Andrew and I were perfect and I needed that to end while it still was.

"No" his voice trailed off in disbelief of what I had just said. It took his a couple of seconds and stutters before he finally got out the word "why?"

In all honestly I couldn't bare up the courage to tell him the real reason I was leaving. "Am I not good enough for you?" He asked, his voice raised a little bit. "No you are-" I began but he interrupted quickly. "Is there someone else?" He stated as he stared me in the eyes. "God no I-" I began but soon after he interjected again "Then what is it Jeanie?" He said using his nickname for me and almost causing me to fall back into his arms and forever be trapped. That's when I realized the only way to get him to stay away would be to lie. He would never understand my fears so In that moment I said the most painful thing I have ever said in my life; "Andrew, I don't love you anymore"

The moment It left my lips I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces and the only man that could put it back together was the one I had pushed away. I couldn't bare to see his face so I grabbed my bag and turned and walked away. Finding my way to the front door of Andrews summer home, I opened it and stopped. My mind was saying go but my heart told me to stay, going with my head I stepped out the door without a single look back.

When I arrived home I fell on my bed staring up at my billy idol poster, the words became fuzzy and blurred, my eyes filled with water. Crying myself to sleep I thought about how I was free but deep down in my heart I could feel myself locked in a cage of regret and sorrow.