The Hit List

chapter 6

Lisa rolled to her side, her chest rising and falling rapidly with each quick breath. Her long hair was loose and spilled on the pillow with a few strands sticking to her damp forhead. Her lips were curved in a satisfied smile, and she rested the back of her elbow against her forhead as she tried to calm down and regulate her breathing.

After she managed to cool down a little, she realized it's a bit too quiet in there. So leaning on her elbows, she turned sideways to look at the pale girl besides her who was curled into herself quietly.

Oh no, not this again...

"Hey, are you okay?" Lisa asked, already knowing the answer.

"Are you seriously going to ask that every time?" Miyeon answered dryly.

And there it was.

"Miyeon..." Lisa started, putting a hand on her shoulder, but her hand was immediately shrugged away.

"Don't you fucking touch me," Miyeon spat out, "why the fuck would you think it was a good idea? You're such an idiot!"

Lisa flinched, her gaze dropping to the sheets with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled.

"Yeah, like that helps." The girl besides her said harshly and sat down, her legs hanging from the edge of the bed. "That's so fucked up..."

"It's not like you weren't into that..." Lisa started, only to stop when she was met with a murderous glare from her girlfriend.

"You think I was into that?" She snorted. "You're fucking delusional. We had that conversation a million times before, you're supposed to know that I don't want this."

Lisa sighed, fisting her shaking hands. They did this every single time, and it was exhausting. They have sex, Miyeon starts feeling bad with herself, and Lisa has to deal with all of the frustration being directed at her. Why did that even surprise her? She should've gotten used to it by now.

So why did it always hurt..?

"What do you want me to say?" Lisa asked.

"Nothing." Miyeon said bitterly. "I don't want your fucking apology, and I don't give a shit if you feel guilty. This, what happened here," she gestured between the two of them, "this is disgusting, you, are disgusting. You need to leave."

Lisa fought away her tears with every fiber of her being, keeping her expression blank. Without providing response, she stood up, taking her clothes from the floor and putting them on quietly. When she was done, she walked to Miyeon's door and twisted the handle, opening it.

"Wait."

Lisa stopped her actions, turning around with her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Miyeon looked hesitant and regretful, her hands fidgeting nervously.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean it... You know how I get... I just feel like shit."

Lisa nodded. "I know," she said quietly.

"I love you," Miyeon said, pursing her lips together.

Lisa inhaled deeply, calming her nerves. This apology always came, but it came earlier this time. It usually took her girlfriend longer to come around and apologize, and the fact that she calmed down so soon gave Lisa hope.

"I love you too," she said with a small smile.

Her ringtone broke it off her haze.

As the flashback faded away, Lisa quickly checked her phone. Her ex was really like a calendar– unblocking her every month on the same exact date and calling her on the same exact hour, and that was Lisa's only chance to catch up with Miyeon before she blocked her again.

And yes, she knew quite well that there was nothing healthy about it. But it was like an addiction– she couldn't stop.

With a sigh, she answered the call.

"Hello?"

"...Hey Lisa," Miyeon's voice came from the other side of the line, and though Lisa had been expecting this, it still almost made her drop her phone.

"Um, hi," Lisa said awkwardly, "h-how are you?"

"I'm good," she answered, "what about you?"

"I'm uh... Also good."

"Good."

Pause.

"So," Lisa started, "anything new happened to you in this past month?"

"Yes, actually," she let out a nervous chuckle, "there's um... This guy I'm kinda talking to."

"Oh," Lisa didn't really know how to respond. What do you say to your ex when she's talking about liking someone else? "So is he like, your boyfriend...?"

"No, no not yet," she laughed a little, "what about you? Someone new in your life?"

Lisa opened her mouth to talk about Roseanne, but caught herself just in time, and her jaw closed with an audible click.

"It's complicated," she said eventually, looking away.

"Complicated how?"

"Well, you know me," Lisa shrugged, as if Miyeon could see her.

"...Right," her ex said, sounding a bit guilty, "um, well, good luck with... Whoever it is."

"I don't need luck," she answered, purely on instinct.

"Yeah, I know," Miyeon sighed, "it was nice catching up with you."

"Same,"

"Well, bye,"

"Goodbye Miyeon."

The line died.

Lisa sighed and dropped her head on her room's table. She hated this so much, she didn't even know why she kept answering. Every time it felt like opening an old wound, and every time all that it did was just make her feel shitty for the entire day.

She had no idea how it started really. When they broke up, Lisa had a hard time getting used to not being able to talk to Miyeon whenever she wanted anymore because Miyeon literally blocked her on every platform, and then one day not long after, she called. Then she called again, and again... And even two years later, she still kept calling, like it was a tradition.

Lisa knew she should tell her to stop, but Miyeon used to be such a huge part of her life... It's like she clang to this connection for dear life, even when she didn't really need it.

It's hard to let go of people sometimes.

With a sigh, she got up from her chair. Usually, she would wear something sleeveless (the school actually allowed those, as long as it wasn't spaghetti straps) and some tight jeans to show off her legs and arms. But today she didn't feel like attracting any sort of attention going to school, she just wanted to be alone. So, instead, she wore an oversized gray sweatshirt (hoping it wouldn't get too hot) and some black sweatpants, which was really fucking comfy.

She went down the stairs, going to the kitchen and grabbing an apple, deciding that this was enough breakfast for today.

Both of her parents looked at her in concern, then at each other, but Lisa ignored them.

"Are you okay?" Her father asked.

"Since when do you care?" She snapped.

He flinched from her harsh tone, and Lisa was preparing herself to some yelling, but it never came. Instead, he approached her, and to her complete surprise, placed his hand on her shoulder.

"If you're not feeling well," he started, "how about you stay home today?"

"I'm not sick."

"I was talking about a mental health day."

Her eyes widened. "So you think I'm crazy?!"

"No I–"

"Well, I'm not." She shot at him, peeling his hand off. "I'm fine, I'm going to school, leave me alone."

Her father sighed, nodding. "Can I at least drive you there?" He asked.

"No thanks, I got this." She gritted her teeth, taking her bag and heading to the door. "Bye, see you later."

Lisa didn't bother waiting for a response, she just left the house. Going to the bus stop without even checking to see when it comes. She stuck her headphones in, listening to some crappy music while she was making her way to the bus stop. Meanwhile, she was scrolling on her phone, checking messages that she was going to ignore.

And of course, Roseanne's gang was already talking.

Hot girl #7 [07:35]:
Do u guys wanna do something today?

Jennie [07:41]:
Jisoo and I can't:(

Fuck brows [07:42]:
Same.

Dongwook junior [07:45]:
Gotta study

Hyeri's man [07:47]:
Sick

Hot girl #7 [07:47]:
Jin??

Twink [07:50]:
Srry sis:((

Hot girl #7 [07:51]:
U guys suck.

Private massages:

Hot girl #7 [07:51]:
Wanna meet up? We can like, have another math lesson? Or something else?

Hot girl #7 [07:52]:
But in your place, my father is home early today so we can't be there.

Lisa considered it. On the one hand, she had a bet to win, but on the other hand...

Lisa [07:54]:
Sorry, it's not a good day for that.

The bet can wait, she was in no emotional place to make any progress.

Nothing interesting happened the rest of the ride, and Lisa didn't really care about anything too. She just felt like being alone for the rest of the day, to take a day off from her friends, from Roseanne, from everything. She wasn't even in the mood to see Love today, she just wanted to be left alone.

However, the moment she reached school, she was met with Kai and her friends, and by their smirks they weren't going to leave her be just like that.

"Look at that, the thai bitch is cold," Mingyu said teasingly as she brushed by.

"Fuck off," she grumbled.

"Oooooh assertive," Suga laughed as they started to follow her, "c'mon, what's wrong?"

"Oh, I'm glad you asked," she said sarcastically without sparing them a glance, "it's just that my three supposed friends are harassing me when I clearly want to be left alone."

"Don't be so cranky," Kai said, "what? Is it that time of the month?"

At that, Lisa's eyes widened and she turned around. She couldn't believe he fucking said that! Like her being upset had anything to do with that!

... Also she actually was on her period, which just pissed her off more.

So, without further ado...

She punched him in the face.

He fell on the ground with a yelp, angerly wiping away blood from his nose. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He cried out turning to her.

"Oh, look at that," she said with a smirk, "looks like it's that time of the month for your nose."

"You are a dead women walking–"

"Is there a problem here?" Suddenly voice said from besides them, and Lisa turned to see Kya, standing with folded arms.

Kai's lips formed a straight line, and he got up with a shake of his head. "Nope, nothing to see here," he said to the authority figure while shooting Lisa a just-you-wait look.

"Be on your way then," she told him, turning to Lisa with a wink that caused her to grin widely. Though she would've destroyed Kai in a fist fight, Kya just saved her ass from getting in trouble, so that was nice.

She gave Kya a slight nod and went on her way.

Hopefully, no one else will bother her today.

______


"Why are you sitting here?"