Public Diary

Disappearing Friend

I feel like I've slowly been losing my best friend. We've known each other and been friends for 6 years. We've been through everything together. She went through a brutal break up. He would not let her lose hope for the two of them together, then turn around and shove the fact that he had a new girlfriend in her face. However, at the same time, he'd also try to bring her down for trying to move on.

I've been through a lot as well during our friendship. I dealt with my father's break downs, when I found out he had Huntington's Disease, break ups, my relationship with my mother, my relationship with other people in general, and death. 

We even worked at the same store for a while. We always hung out on our breaks. That's when she went through her stuff. Anywho, I guess it was a natural process because I never noticed until it all hit me at once. We started talking less. On top of that, she was planning on moving across the country. We didn't have much time, so I was trying see her while I could. We had plans for one day, but she got sick and couldn't hang out. A few hours later, she tells me my extremely rude ex is trying to hang out with her. She told me she turned him down. It didn't matter to me. If someone is in the past, I don't care. I'm not going to tell her that she can't be friends with someone that she wants to be friends with. 

The next day she told me she lied. She hung out with him. I had a few thoughs in my mind. I wasn't mad at the fact that she hung out with my ex. I was mad at the fact that she was too sick to hang out with me, a friend of six years, but was fine to hang out with someone she doesn't really know. It could've been with anybody and I would've been mad. Next, I thought that it was hypocritical because if her ex had tried to hang out with me on a day I turned her down and I accepted, she would've acted cool about it, but be super pissed. Then, I also thought it was hypocritical because he used to say that he wouldn't advise anyone to date her because he didn't think she was that good looking. 

Out of nowhere, they're best friends. I hadn't even hung out with her yet. I kept trying and she was busy. Out of nowhere, she'd have time for her new friend. After a while, though, I thought, maybe I'm working myself too much over this. So I didn't let it bother me. I tried. It would've been successful if she didn't tell me every little detail of every time they hung out and talked about him like he was a great person.  

I told her about all the things that pissed me off about him. He used to get pissed at me if I didn't wear make up. He used to talk shit about me at work because of that. He only wanted someone around for when he had needs. Let's just say it like that. 

I thought, "You're my best friend. Shouldn't you be offended that he treated me like shit instead of treating him like a puppy?" A girl I worked with that I had known for maybe a month wouldn't even talk to him or look him in the face when he tried to make small talk with her. One of my old friends from high school that he used to date as well wouldn't even talk to him on facebook. When he asked her if it was because of me, she told him he was extremely rude and didn't know how to treat a woman with respect. But my best friend can't seem to have my back on that. 

I finally got to hang out with her and her new boyfriend. Of course she brings him up in a conversation. I think she was scared to tell me that he had tried to get her to do things at the movies. It proved that he hadn't changed from the past to me. She just thought it was funny. Anyway, I felt out of place. She acted so different. I was with a stranger. I didn't know what to say. I was somewhat relieved when I got to go home. It just bothers me.

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I feel like this is an okay thing so far. I'm not going to name names. I feel a lot better and things are clear in my head. I may even get some sleep. If you've gone through something like this, tell me how you reacted. If you have any advice, feel free to comment and let me know. I look forward to making more of these.