Solitude & Storms

8.

Isabelle's heart dropped. Her face went pale as she stared at Raphael. "What did you just say?"

His eyes wouldn't look at her so he stared at the green fields outside, directing all the pain in those grey depths at the view so she wouldn't see how much he was hurting inside.

Every day, Raphael  woke up and felt like he was being torn apart, limb from limb. For him, to exist was torture. Every thought was dark, every memory of his sister and of his mother brought nothing but pain, misery and crippling guilt.

"Her husband took her life," he continued quietly. "He then took his own life. And Rayan witnessed it all. My sister was in an abusive marriage to a wealthy madman. One our father sold her into. When our parents died, Andrea didn't come. I resented her for that. But I also felt guilt. Too guilty to go to her, after their death. To face her after what I did."

With teary eyes, Isabelle listened. "But, what did you do? Why would you possibly feel any guilt? You were all alone in this giant house, any pain or resentment you felt at that time is completely justified."

Raphael suddenly realised where the conversation was going and quickly snapped out of it, clearing his throat as he turned away. What the hell was wrong with him? He'd nearly said too much. It was the first time in years that he'd nearly slipped up like that.

"Anyway," he waved the topic away. "Andrea and her husband passed a year ago and, since her identity was completely changed, it took the authorities in that city a while to find me. I've had Rayan for a month but, after a legal evaluation, I will be officially adopting him."

She was staring sadly at him. "You've gone through so much shit."

"Language," Raphael tiredly said.

"I'm sorry for giving you a hard time," Isabelle continued repentantly. "I've caused nothing but trouble since I arrived, I had no idea you were dealing with so much."

She sniffled, patting her tears away with the sleeve of her dress.

The soft sincerity in her voice made him look at her, meeting the teary eyed look she gave him with a smile. "You're way too big to be crying like that, you know?"

She pressed her lips together, eyes filling with more tears. "I know. It's just so sad. I'm so sad for you. For Andrea, even if she never liked me. I feel terrible for Rayan. He's  just a child!" She covered her face with both hands, letting out a wail. "I would give anything to meet my father but being fatherless is worlds better than living with such a monster! And he was five years old when he saw such gruesome scenes!"

She was bawling now, nose and cheeks red as she tried to talk around the tears. "Isn't it so horrible?"

He sighed, gingerly tugging her closer. "It's okay, Isabelle."

"He's just a little baby!" she cried as he pressed her into his chest. "I hate the world!"

Awkwardly wrapping one arm around her, Raphael held her head to his chest, nodding in agreement with the curses she was murmuring against his chest.

He let her cry it out and when she was done, he found himself fascinated by her once more. She had so much emotion within her and she could easily express it, even when it wasn't for something that affected her personally. What a remarkable soul.

"Sorry," she said, sniffling as she pulled away.

He reached into his back pocket and handed her the handkerchief he kept there. "Wipe your face, you look like something that awakens at midnight."

She spared him a teary glare, but wiped her face with the hankie regardless, blowing her nose into it for good measure. 

"Thank you," she said, taking his hand and placing the soggy material in it. "Oh, no. There's a huge wet spot on your shirt because of me."