Blurred Lines

The Quiet Kind of Change

Luca stared at the letter in his hands. The ink was bold and neat, the way only official letters from a university could be. He had read it over and over, trying to force himself to feel the thrill that was supposed to come with being accepted into college—being a part of something bigger. But all he felt was the weight of his skin.

University. Fresh start. Freedom.

But not really. Not when the thing he had worked so hard to conceal—his past, his transition—could still follow him like a shadow. Not when there were people who might look at him and see what he wasn't anymore. The thought made his stomach tighten.

"Are you planning on reading that to death, or are we going to get food?" Emma's voice broke through the silence, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned in the doorway of the small dorm room Luca had moved into just a week ago.

Luca smiled at her, a flicker of warmth in his chest. Emma had been his best friend since high school. They had bonded over more than just shared classes and a mutual understanding of life's messiness. They understood each other in ways others couldn't. Emma, a trans woman, had always been there to lend her ear, her advice, and her sarcastic humor, as Luca navigated his own identity as a trans guy.

"I'm just... thinking," Luca said, his voice quieter than usual. He glanced at the paper one last time, folded it, and shoved it into his backpack. "I'll go in a second."

Emma raised an eyebrow but didn't press the issue. She knew him well enough to recognize when he was holding something back, but she also knew when to give him space. Still, she couldn't help but tease.

"You're not trying to disappear into your bag, are you? Because if I have to drag you out of here, I will."

Luca chuckled, running a hand through his short, messy hair. "No promises." He stood up, moving past her to grab his jacket. "Let's just get this over with."

Emma laughed softly as she followed him out the door, her voice trailing after him. "You say 'get it over with,' but we both know I'm the one who needs food more than you do."

Luca didn't argue. Emma's appetite was legendary—something about the way she powered through life meant she was always hungry, always reaching for the next thing. But today, Luca wasn't sure if he was hungry for food or something else entirely.

The cafeteria was crowded, filled with the usual mix of freshmen and upperclassmen, a cacophony of voices and laughter that blended into a buzz of normalcy. Luca and Emma grabbed trays, sliding them along the metal counter with practiced ease. Emma's usual chatter was absent today, a silent acknowledgment that both of them were still adjusting to being here.

"Do you think they're going to recognize me?" Luca asked, lowering his voice as they picked out food.

Emma gave him a sideways glance, her expression soft but serious. "Luca, you're just... you. No one here knows you from before. It's a fresh start, remember?"

He didn't meet her eyes. "I'm not so sure about that."

Emma sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder as they moved toward the cashier. "You're going to be fine. And if anyone gives you trouble, you know I've got your back."

Luca nodded, appreciating the offer but knowing it wouldn't be enough to quiet the storm of nerves swirling in his chest. People at this school might not know him, but he still felt like he was carrying the weight of his past with him—his awkward teenage years, his years of fighting for a version of himself that felt right. It wasn't something you could just leave behind, no matter how far you ran.

As they settled into a booth near the window, the late afternoon sun streaming in through the glass, Luca tried to push the thoughts from his mind. But they were always there, lingering.

"So, have you met anyone interesting yet?" Emma asked, trying to change the subject, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

Luca shook his head. "No. Just trying to make it through the day without anyone asking too many questions."

Emma laughed. "That's the college experience. But seriously, you're gonna have to talk to people at some point."

Luca grinned at her, though it felt forced. "I don't mind keeping to myself for now."

Emma leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and giving him a pointed look. "You're lucky I'm not going to start setting up awkward introductions for you. But I'm guessing you're hoping to avoid that guy from orientation, right?"

Luca blinked, confused for a moment. "What guy?"

"The one with the... oh, you know, the vibe. You were all red when he gave you that look."

Luca froze. He knew exactly who she meant. Theo.

Theo was different. Different in the way he didn't care about the rules or expectations, the way he wore his skin unapologetically. He was a cis guy, but there was something... non-conformist about him. He had this effortless way of challenging everything Luca had spent so long trying to avoid—labels, expectations, rigid definitions of masculinity. The way Theo had looked at him during orientation made Luca feel both seen and small at the same time.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Luca mumbled, but Emma just smirked.

"Oh, I think you do."

Luca avoided her gaze, staring out the window instead. The sun was setting now, casting a warm, golden light across the campus. He could almost forget the weight of it all, the constant balancing act of being Luca, of trying to be who he was while keeping everything else hidden. Almost.

But not quite.