Forest

Chapter Fifteen

Panic surged through me, raw and overwhelming, the moment I realized I was being held. Arms clung to me, pressing me tightly against a broad, bare chest. My skin felt damp, and water dripped from him—cold, almost biting. Like he just came out of a shower. 

And then I felt a cold wetness beneath me, which told me another story. Shame crashed over me like a tidal wave.

I had peed myself. 

I felt my face burn with shame. Every piece of me was shattering. Hot tears stung my eyes as mortification mixed with terror. I felt like I was falling apart, every piece of me breaking, splintering, and scattering. My body trembled violently, and I forced my eyes open, desperate to understand what was happening.

I forced my eyes open, heart pounding, and looked around. The man I'd glimpsed a few times before held me firmly in his arms. The man—him—was holding me close. His soaked hair clung to his face, beads of water tracing paths down his sharp features and pooling on his chest. His icy blue eyes darted to mine, heavy with something I couldn't name. It wasn't concern—it couldn't be. Not from him. The air around him crackled with tension, with the weight of things unspoken.

'Please,' I croaked, my voice barely a whisper, breaking like glass. 'Let me go.'

My chest heaved, each breath shallow and fast, like I couldn't get enough air. My fingers twitched, then pressed against his arms, weakly at first, then with growing desperation. I pushed, shoved, hit. Anything to get free.

'Let go!' My voice rose in panic. 'Let go, please!' I begged, my voice breaking as tears threatened to spill. But he didn't move. If anything, his grip tightened, pulling me closer, locking me in place.

'I'm not going to hurt you,' he murmured, his voice low and controlled, almost too soft against the chaos in my head. 'Calm down.'

Calm down? How could I calm down? His words only made it worse, igniting something primal in me. My body writhed as I clawed and hit harder, my fists striking his chest. I wasn't strong enough to hurt him—not even close—but I didn't care. I just needed to escape.

'Stop fighting,' he said, his voice softer now, almost desperate. "You're going to hurt yourself."

I barely heard him. His words blurred into the background, drowned out by the roar of my own heartbeat. My hands flew to my ears, covering them as sobs tore from my throat. My breathing came in ragged gasps, the room spinning around me.

And then he moved.

His grip shifted as he rose to his feet, carrying me like i weighed nothing. My stomach lurched, and a new wave of panic clawed its way up my throat.  A sob tore from my throat. I was trembling so violently that I couldn't think straight. One of his hands supported me under my legs, the other cradled my back, holding me close against his chest. My face pressed against him, and I felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my cheek. How could his heart sound so calm when mine felt like it was about to burst?

"Please, no!" I begged, my voice cracking, raw with fear. "Don't hurt me. Please, I don't want to—" My words dissolved into broken cries. My body shook uncontrollably, every muscle tense and screaming for release.

"Please," I whimpered, my voice barely audible over my sobs. "Please, don't hurt me. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Please..."

I didn't know where he was taking me, and the uncertainty made the fear unbearable. Then the sound of water reached my ears—soft at first, then louder, like rainfall, fast and rhythmic. For a moment, I thought he was taking me outside, to some new, unknown horror. But instead, the cool spray of a shower hit us.

The water poured over us, soaking me completely. I gasped at the sudden chill, then shivered as it turned warm, wrapping me in its strange embrace. He set me down on my feet, but his hands didn't leave me. One stayed steady on my back, grounding me. the other moved to adjust the stream of water. The other reached for the controls, adjusting the water. Warm droplets pelted us, washing away the evidence of my shame, but not the terror rooted deep in my chest.

'Calm down,' he said, his voice firmer now. 'You're safe.'

Safe? My body recoiled at the word. It felt like a cruel joke, like he was mocking me. I shook my head violently, tears streaming down my face.

'You're lying,' I choked out, my voice barely audible over the rush of water. 'You're lying...'

His hand moved in slow, deliberate circles on my back, his touch almost gentle. But it didn't soothe me. It terrified me.'I'm sorry,' he said, his voice cracking, a tremor running through the words. 'I'm so fucking sorry for what I did.'

I froze, the weight of his words colliding with my confusion. Sorry? Sorry for what? My mind spiraled. This was the same man who had strangled me, taken my breath, let me black out, and brought me to this unfamiliar place. He was sorry?

My knees buckled beneath me, and I crumpled to the shower floor. The tiles were cold against my skin, grounding me in their harshness. He followed, lowering himself beside me, then pulling me into his lap. His arms wrapped around me again, holding me as if he could keep me from falling apart.

I didn't fight this time. I couldn't. I was too tired, too broken. My legs curled around his waist, my head resting against his shoulder. I hated the way my body seemed to fit against his, as if it belonged there.

I cried harder, the kind of crying that felt like it came from the deepest parts of me. My sobs filled the small space, blending with the sound of the water. Tears spilled down my cheeks, mixing with the droplets streaming from the shower.

'I don't understand,' I whispered between sobs. 'Why are you doing this? Why are you holding me? You hurt me.'

His chest heaved beneath me, and for a moment, I thought he might cry too. But his voice, when it came, was steady.'I'm a monster,' he said, his words heavy, bitter. 'I know that. I don't deserve... I don't deserve anything. But you—you don't deserve this. Any of this.'

I wanted to scream at him, to push him away, to tell him he had no right to say those things. But I couldn't. All I could do was sit there, trembling in his arms, the water washing over us like it could somehow cleanse the pain.

We stayed there for what felt like hours, tangled together in a mess of brokenness and regret. I didn't understand why I let him hold me, why I didn't run the moment he set me down.

Yet, in this moment, I felt the cracks in him. As if the walls he'd built around himself were crumbling.