All for the Mirrorball

Chapter 10 - It's Actually Unfair

After a largely sleepless night, Alan got up early to pick up breakfast. Ilona was up even earlier, feeling the distinct need to hit the gym even harder than usual. She was not looking forward to seeing any of her fellow castmates after last night's showing. She'd never had a problem being vulnerable, but crashing out on national television? It felt impossible not to be embarrassed.

When she walked into the studio, she was surprised to see Alan had beat her there.

"What did you do?" She said as soon as she caught sight of the multiple takeout boxes in front of him.

"Crêpes!" he called back cheerily. "It was the most French thing I could think of, and I wanted something to remind you of the champion you are."

"Do you get off on people crying?" Ilona said, already getting emotional at the kind gesture.

"No!" he cried back, as he began to scramble to put everything away. "Bad idea? I'm so-"

"Alan, no, stop," she started. She gestured towards the table and continued, "It's sweet. I'm sorry. You did something nice and I'm just ruining it."

She sat down next to him on the couch, shoulders slumped. He pulled her into a hug. "You're not ruining anything." The pattern he rubbed across her back soothed her immensely. "Now, don't get mad at what I say next."

"No promises, Al," she said with a laugh as she pulled back.

"You're going to have to, at least temporarily, vacate the space you've taken up in your own head since last night. It needs fumigating, at the very least."

She punched his shoulder, but couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, point... taken, I guess."

"You're great, and we're going to talk it out later. But right now, it's time to snap out of it, eat the French food, remember who the fuck you are, and lock in... because the cameras will be here in 15 minutes." The firmness in his tone brought her back to earth. He didn't feel bad for her because she was a lost cause - he thought she still deserved to be there, and he still wanted her to look her best.

"I needed to hear that," she said as he pulled her into a bear hug. "Thanks, Alan."

They ate their crêpes and tried to emotionally prepare for their morning.

Shay came in early and gave Ilona a big hug. The camera crew wasn't far behind. Ilona could see the pity on their faces and couldn't wait to get through this inevitably emotional session. Now that the cameras were on, it was time to bare her soul on national television.

"I feel like I was a failure, in a way, for disappointing you," she said, tears welling in her eyes and threatening to escape.

The look that Alan gave m her is one of pure love, mixed with devastation at her even thinking that. "You could never disappoint me."

Throughout the session, he had to fight back his own tears. "You're putting so much pressure on yourself," he tells her. "You're freaking amazing."

When they finally wrap up and are left alone in the room, Alan looked at her. "Great job. I know that was hard."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was quiet.

"Ilona, you've got to stop apologizing." He hugged her again. "Look, we need to focus today so you'll feel better about everything... but do you have plans tonight?"

"Nothing special," she said, confusion etched on her face.

"Good. We're having dinner. I'll pick you up. 8 okay?"

"Oh, um, sure." She barely questioned his request, her mind lost in thought as she tried her best to get through the motions of the day.

During almost every one of their breaks, one of their friends came to visit. Jenna and Joey were first, and did their best to convince her things were a lot worse in her head.