No Stranger to Sara Chapter Nine: All On My Own

All On My Own

A couple days had gone by, and I was feeling better about everything and thought I may be overreacting and that didn't matter because Mitz needed time away anyway. I decided that I would clean the house that day, and I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and started there. About ten minutes into cleaning, I thought I heard a knock at the door and crept by the front window and tried to peek out without being seen.

BUT AS I PEEKED OUT THE CORNER of the curtain, there was a face staring right back at me, close range. Screaming, I ran to the bedroom and locked myself in, and through that door, I heard that man, break my front window, climb inside and I knew then that I was done.

The next few moments I cannot write and wouldn't know how to write what I don't know anyway. He forced his way into my room, grabbed me by the head of the hair and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up. That's when the true nightmare began. The following story that I will share with you will be written as carefully as possible. I will only give the general idea of things that took place from that moment on, because the details are so violent, I don't think a sane person could ever describe, especially when it is the victim writing it.

I WOKE UP and the first thing I knew was my head was killing me, I couldn't even see at first, it hurt so much. My neck hurt like it was broken. I was laying in something that felt wet and dirty, and there was no light that I could see. My instincts were to scream, but I got ahold of myself and decided not to scream, to not let him know I was awake yet. I could hear some sounds that were not familiar in the background, but it sounded like many walls or doors were between the sound and me. I slowly rose up just enough to try to see if my neck worked, and I was relieved it did.

The fear in me at the time is indescribable, and to even write what I was feeling is too hard. A heart races so fast when you are that scared that you believe you will die of a heart attack. There was a smell that nearly choked me, and I had to hold my hand over my mouth to keep from throwing up.

I didn't know what the smell could be, but I thought maybe mold or soured water. I heard some water run, but it was just like a trickle, and the air felt wet, cool; yet not cold. I thought "it feels like a dungeon". If I had known at the time that wasn't far from the truth, I think I might have had a heart attack.

I MUST HAVE BEEN AWAKE for at least a half hour, maybe more so when I heard footsteps that were getting closer, and the fear went into overdrive. When you get that scared, I know now that it is not you that keeps you going, keeps you alive; it has got to come from above. You would think the fear would kill you, that you wouldn't be able to keep up with your panicked breath. About that time, I was honestly wishing I was already dead. But I was alive. The steps came closer and closer, and I just backed away from the door, and did all I could do; I waited. The door flung open and there he stood face-glove and all. My breath was gone, just gone. You feel so small, so obsolete in a situation like that and you are at their mercy, and there is nothing you can do, except exist. I believe that your mind turns off for you, so it won't go into over-ride. At first it feels like your head will blow, like an aneurism. Then something happens, and it stops. And all you can feel is still life. I couldn't see him of course, and he told me to keep my head down, so I did. I gladly did. He came in, threw down a towel, a rag, and a set of clothes and shoes, and he told me to change my clothes and wipe off the sweat. Then he turned around, walked out, and slammed the door.

I had to remind myself that I had breath, and then it came back.

I instantly got very cold, like a cold I have never been in my life. I convinced myself to just do what he said, because I knew if I didn't, things would be a lot worse. So, I slowly removed my outer clothes, and began slipping on the pants, which were just a beige colored pair of jogging pants, that weirdly enough fit. Then reluctantly, I began removing my shirt, and about that time I heard a bang, and he hollered through the door, "Leave the bra off!" There went my breath again. I sat there and got a vision in my head that I cannot share, because it is too horrific. I did what he said and took off my bra and pulled on the thin, yellowed tee that he had left. It felt grungy and made me shiver when I put it on. Then, I just drew my legs up under me, leaned against my knees and cried as quietly as I could. If God had taken me right then, I would have been praising His name on the way out.