Well, Which Would You Prefer? (Kellic / Fuenciado)

Well, Which Would You Prefer?

This story is pretty old and I just noticed I never published it on here, it was a draft the whole time whoops

-

Hey, Jaime here. I'm bassist and currently on tour with our band Pierce The Veil.
I love the tour life. It's stressful on the one hand, but also relaxing on the other. So it has good and bad sides.
I mean, every day, or almost every day, a new city, all the great fans – we have the best fans in the world – and just being with the coolest guys on this planet – Vic, Tony & Mike. And of course the boys from Sleeping With Sirens who support us on this tour. Kellin especially is a great person. I think we became good friends the last weeks. Not as close as I am with Vic, but we are really good friends.
The bad things include being far away from my family. I really miss all of them and of course Lily, my girlfriend. We are together for almost a year now. And another bad point is that Mike always wants to watch Harry Potter at night. Why does he want to watch it? It's not real.

So today we have a day off and I'm just sitting in the PV playing video games or just relaxing.
Somebody knocks at the door, I guess it's Kellin, 'cause Vic or so wouldn't knock at their own bus. And I'm right, it's Kellin coming through the door, sitting next to me on the couch grabbing a controller, too. "Hey, Jaime! What's up?" he asks. "Nothing. Just playing some games. You can join my team." "Alright."
So we play half of the afternoon, until we both get bored. What shall we do now? Maybe Kellin's suggesting something.
"Well, actually I came to ask you something. But it's a bit ... awkward for me, you know?" he starts. 'Okay, what is he going to tell me now?' "Ok, I just have a confession to make. Only my family knows it and I thought I could tell you, too. I mean, we are friends now, right?" I nod so he keeps on talking. "I ... I am bisexual." He blushes and quickly looks away.
"But that's nothing to be ashamed of, Kell!" He looks at my face. "You accept it?" "Of course, why shouldn't I? You're still just a normal human, right?" "Yeah ... but I was afraid that you might don't want to be friends with me anymore after this conversation."
"Rubbish! A good friend is a good friend, no matter if he's straight or gay or bi or whatever", I smile at him.
"But that was not your question, was it? I mean, it wasn't even a question", I say. "Yeah, well, that's the real awkward part, I guess." He blushes again, running his hand nervously through his hair. "So I ... I kind of ... like Vic ..." He's getting red as a tomato now. "And I ... just ... wanted to ask you if ... if he might ... if he might also has an interest in men!" he says very quickly, then looking away.
I want to say 'sorry, I think he's straight' but actually ... I don't know.
"Hmm, actually I don't know ...", I admit. Kellin seems frightened. "Well, I didn't say he doesn't have an interest in men, I just don't know. He never had a girlfriend since I know him ... and neither a boyfriend", I add. "I guess you have to ask him", I suggest.
"No!" he says immediately, "I ... just ... can't. I don't dare to. What if he doesn't like gay or bi people and I ruin the whole tour? Can't ... can't you try to find out?" he begs and he makes this face where I just can't say 'no'. Dammit! That's going to be awkward for ME now. "Yeah. Okay. I'll do it", I say. He's grinning brightly at me. "Thank you!" Then he goes back to his band mates to practise a bit.
'With what did I just engaged myself? What if Vic doesn't have an interest in men? Or just not in Kellin? Ahh, why me? And, well, how should I start? I can't just go to Vic and say 'Mate, I just asked myself if you're gay and if you have an interest in Kellin. That's sounds so stupid.'
The sound from the door of the PV pulls out of my thoughts as Vic comes in. 'Fuck. What shall I do? Go away, Vic! What do you want?' I'm getting really nervous now. "Hey, Jaime. What's wrong? You look kind of ... scared." He looks at me, raising his eyebrows. 'Help!' Luckily my mobile phone just rings. I got a new message. "Er, nothing", I lie grabbing my phone. I got a text message from Lily asking if I'll come back soon. She sometimes writes messages like his when she misses me, although she knows when I'll come back. But I think it's cute and write 'Very soon, babe. Can't wait to see you again.', smiling.
"Lily?" Vic asks. "Yes." I grin. "She's cool, you're very lucky, bro." Yes, I am, Lily's great. "Hey, Vic, didn't you have a girlfriend the last years? I haven't seen you with a girl all the time." That's not a bad idea to start this conversation. Good.
"Well ...", he awkwardly looks away ,"no, I didn't have on. I never had one, to be honest. And I actually do- ..." He shakes his head. "Never mind."
'What? Does he maybe really have an interest in men?' I look suspicious into his face. He's getting red, just like ... Kellin ...
He gets really nervous now, biting his lips. "Well, okay, I was really afraid you might ask me a question like this eventually. But ... you're my best friend ... and I can't keep this secret by myself forever." He takes a deep breath and searches for the right words, I think. "I'm bi."
'Jaime, don't smile now!' I'm suddenly very happy. But why? I think I'm just glad that Kellin might has a chance with Vic.
"Wow", I just don't know what to say. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was afraid you might ..." "I might don't want to be your friend then?" I end his sentence. Where did I hear this some minutes ago? "Yes. And I don't want to lose you or anybody because of this." "You won't lose me because of something like that. I mean, I also think Kellin is ... gay or ... bi ..." "Really? Did he tell you?" He asks very neutrally. That's not great... "No, I just heard him talking to his family and they, uhm, talked about it. So, please don't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not sure about it", I say. Well, didn't go wrong. "No, of course not. I know how it feels. I'm just glad, you accept it!"
Then he hugs me, but quickly lets go. "Uhm, sorry, I shouldn't do this, I guess. It probably makes you feel uncomfortable...", he says quietly, looking at the ground. "No, it doesn't." I hug him back and he's smiling right into my face. A bit too long. But maybe he's just glad that I accept it.

The next day I see Kellin I immediately tell him. He just looks so happy, but I don't dare telling him that Vic doesn't really show an interest in him. Damn. They actually would be a nice couple.
We are only half through our tour now, so he has enough time to find out about Vic.
And he really starts this. Whenever we are all together or only when we three are together he tries to show Vic his feeling and it's getting more annoying everyday, because Vic obviously doesn't show any interest. Doesn't he see it or doesn't he want to see it? I don't know because he's not talking about it with me anymore and I actually don't want that either.
But one night – Mike and Tony are in a club, I didn't want to go with them – Vic and I are alone in the VP. I find him staring at me ... again, and, well, now it feels a bit uncomfortable.
"Jaime?" he asks, "what's with Kellin? He acted weird lately." 'Oh no, he has noticed it.' "Don't know. Maybe he likes you. More than you know", I suggest. "Yeah, but he doesn't know I'm bi, does he?" I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe you act like ... like he thinks you like him." "Damn. I really like him. But just as a friend. I'm already in love ... with someone else ..." His eyes start to gleam and he blushes again. "Man, that's great!", I say, but I have a strange feeling. What if it's really me? This thought kept haunting me all the time lately. He acted and acts very strange, too. And maybe he thinks he can't tell me, 'cause he knows I have a girlfriend. He smiles sadly. "Yeah, but it's hopeless." He looks away. I really get nervous now, but I can't ask him, I just can't.
"Well, new subject. Let's watch a film or so", Vic suggests, so we start watching a film I don't know. It's not bad, but we both get tired after some time and Vic finally falls asleep and his head slips onto my shoulder. I turn off the TV and rest on the couch, 'cause I don't want him to wake up. I'll just wait until he sleeps more deeply. He looks like a little kid when he's asleep. Actually a bit ... cute. 'No, Jaime, it's Vic, not Lily, you're girlfriend, but I can't help but run my fingers through Vic's hair. It's just so inviting.
I try to move a bit, but it was too much, Vic's awake, very sleepy already. "Jaime, what's going on?" "You fell asleep, and I wanted to bring you to your bed." "Oh, that's cool. Thanks." He looks directly into my eyes, his head not far away from mine. What's going on? Then he suddenly lungs forward and puts his lips onto mine. I'm paralysed. I was right. It was me. And I guess, all the time. I'm confused anyway, I want to push him away, but ... it actually ... doesn't feel bad. I ... kind of ... like it. I can't help but kiss him back, so that we find ourselves kissing roughly a few seconds later, when we both have to take a breath.
In that moment I realise it. I just kissed my best friend. Oh no. And worse, I liked it. Very much. It was just ... great. 'Jaime, you have a girlfriend!' Oh my ... how shall I tell her?
Vic also realises. "Oh my god ... I ... I'm sorry. I ... Sorry." He's in shock, too, and tries to run away from me, but I grab his wrist to pull him back on the couch. "No, Vic, wait. It ... it wasn't bad. I ... even liked it. But I have a girlfriend, you know", I try to explain. "Yeah, I know. That's why I feel bad", he says sadly ,"wait. What? You ... liked it?" He's surprised. "You liked to kiss a ... boy?" "Well, I don't know. I just enjoyed kissing you." I have to smile now. "And ... if I hadn't Lily, maybe ..." 'But wait, what am I talking about?' Vic's eyes start to shine brightly into mine. My stomach flutters with butterflies, and, yes, I think I would be with him. He's just so adorably cute right know, and always was. I just ... didn't notice.

As I wake up the next morning everything feels normal. Until I remember. 'Did this really happen yesterday?' I actually really don't know.
I grab my phone. One new message from Vic: "Hey, we're practising a bit. You can find us in the big hall when you're awake." Nothing more. I really doubt my thoughts now. But ... ? Damn.
So I just go to join the others and try to dissemble. Kellin and the other Sleeping With Sirens members are there, too. Oh, no! Kellin! I totally forgot about that. Shit!
"Jaime. Everything alright?", he asks me, "You look ... weird ...". "Everything's fine", I say quickly, going over to Tony. I can't tell him, but I actually have to tell him I found out Vic has no interest in him. Oh god. Why me? "Didn't sleep well?", Tony asks grinning. "Don't know. Maybe just not enough ..." I look over at Vic, but he's in a conversation with Justin. So I just play along with Tony and wait 'til the end of the rehearsal. And 'til I'm alone with Vic.
But the others are always around. The whole day. And Vic doesn't talk to me. I feel so uncomfortable right now.
As it gets dark I can't stand it anymore, so I just get up. I have to go out of the bus. I need fresh air. And silence.
After walking around in the dark for about twenty minutes, I hear something, or someone, approaching. "Jaime? It's Vic." I hear him saying. "Oh, hey", I just say and keep walking. "Wait. What's wrong?" He grabs my shoulder to stop me walking away. "Well, you just ignored me all day."
"Yeah, well ...", he looks at the ground, "I was afraid. And the others were around ..." "What were you afraid of?", I ask. He gets a bit nervous. "That ... you maybe ... think it was a mistake to kiss me last night ...".
"No, Vic, it wasn't a mistake. I liked it, I already told you. I just ... have a girlfriend ... and ..." "And what?" 'Oh no! Damn. I have to tell him.' "Okay, well. I told you I thought Kellin was bi, right?" He nods. "Actually, I know. He told me." "And?" Vic doesn't seem to get it. "Well, he also told me, he likes you – or liked you. That's why he acted that weird." Vic looks a bit surprised. "Oh ... ! So when you told me about it yesterday, you actually knew better?" "Yeah, I'm sorry ..." "You don't have to apologise! It's not your fault, I didn't notice. Well, maybe it is your fault. Because ... well ... probably you're the reason, why I couldn't notice."
Man, it's so weird to talk about all of this. I just want to run away from here right know. It's actually really cute what he said, but I still like Lily. Fuck! And I really like him, too. This is ruining our friendship.
"I'm actually sorry for Kellin. Because ... I told him I'd find out if you have an interest in him. And now ... I can't tell him. And I actually thought you would be a really nice couple." 'Yes, I said it. I really said it.' Vic takes a deep breath. "Well, I also thought about it when you told me about Kellin last night. I mean, I really like him ... and he's the only bi person I know, but ... you can't force love, right?" I shake my head. I really don't know what to feel now. It's too much. Everything's too much right now, so I just put my hands over my eyes and breath out slowly.
"I think we should go back now, the others are getting worried, I guess", Vic suggests. "And ... you really need to rest." So we walk back. After a while Vic starts to talk again. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told you. I ... shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry." But I can't say anything. At this moment I really start to think he's right. But actually it's my fault. I kissed him back. Ahh! I don't want this! But I don't want to hurt Vic. I have to rest, I have to sleep. And then I can think about everything, I guess.
Back in the bus I ignore everyone and just go straight to my bed, but I can't sleep. I turn and turn and turn. Fuck!

I must have finally fallen asleep, 'cause I wake up soaked with sweat. It's still dark outside. I shake. I'm freezing. "Jaime? You okay?", Tony asks from above. "It seemed like you had a nightmare." "Don't know. Can't remember. Seems like it wasn't that bad then", I say and Tony goes back to sleep, but now I really can't fall asleep again. So I first change my wet clothes, then sitting on my bed, listening to music, trying to forget everything around. Closing my eyes.
I notice the sun rising after a while and everybody's waking up now. "Hey, Jaime. Already awake?", Vic asks. I open my eyes, pulling the headphones out of my ears and nod. "Do you feel better now?" "Yeah", I lie, looking at him.
Later this morning we have a very short moment alone. "Jaime? I think we should just forget about it", Vic suddenly says. "Uhhm, okay. That's ... good, I guess."

But every time I see Kellin or Vic and Kellin together, it flashes back. Can't this finally stop now?
And I was right. It ruined our friendship. I barely talk to Vic now. We play our shows and we still make our jokes on stage, but it doesn't feel right.
"Vic, can I have a word?", I ask him the last evening before going home. "Of course." So we go outside, taking a little walk through the streets covered in the half-light of the street lights.
"What's wrong?", he asks after a while. "Well ... I ... It feels ... weird. And ... I just can't forget about it. And I don't want to leave you at this point after the tour. I just ... want my friend back. But I'm afraid it will never be the same. And that makes me kind of sad." I stop walking, looking at Vic. He looks hurt. I don't want him to. I just want to turn back time. To before the tour or so. Vic just looks down at his feet. Damn. That doesn't help now. Say something. Please! "I'm sorry", I say and go back to the bus, leaving him in the dark. A single tear rolling down my cheek.

The next morning's even worse. Nobody's talking to me. Well, actually nobody's talking to each other at all. Vic looks very weak. He probably also cried yesterday. And lack of sleep.
We have a last meeting with the boys from Sleeping With Sirens and fortunately at least Kellin talks to me.
"So. We have to leave now, I guess. It was so great to make new friends", he smiles at me and adds quietly ,"although the thing with Vic wasn't that good." "Yeah ... I'm sorry for you, mate. You two would be really cool together." I sigh, looking at Vic.
"Everything okay? You look sad", Kellin asks me. "Yes, I'm fine. It's just sad that the tour is over ... and ... yeah, that's it, I think." I try to smile, but I'm still too confused about everything. I just want to go home now, listening to music in my room. Alone. And try to forget. But why do I actually want to forget it? I mean, it didn't feel bad. It really felt good. But I think it's because of Lily. I don't want to lose her, too. Fuck. I have to decide between Vic, my best friend, and my actual girlfriend. Shit. This is ruining everything.

As we get home I say goodbye to Tony, Mike and Vic and we make a date four days later. We always take three days after tours to be alone, without the others. Well, except Vic and Mike ... haha. I'm really looking forward to these days now as I open the door.
Mum comes immediately running down the stairs to embrace me. "Hun, you look tired! Didn't sleep enough again?", she laughs because she knows we never get enough rest during tours, and I laugh back. Now my brother's coming down, too, giving me a high five and then hugging me. "Chris, I missed you!" "Missed you, too, Hi-Mey!" I actually don't like when he pronounces my name like that, but I can't but smile brightly. I really missed them. My dad will probably be here in the evening. He always works until 6pm. So the only one who's missing is Lily, but I don't really know if I want to see her right now.
After telling my mum and my brother some things about the tour, I finally can go to my room to listen to music and just being alone for some time.
But wrong. After five minutes someone knocks at my door. It's Lily. Oh no. Not now.
"Jaime! How are you? How was the tour? I missed you so much!", she kind of screams as she walks towards me, hugging me tightly, then resting her arms around my neck, looking into my eyes. "Great!", I say, but I think I didn't sound like that. Well, it was really great ... except this one little incident. But I can't tell her. She notices my bad mood and kisses my softly onto my lips. And that feels kind of weird now. Why? She's my girlfriend. And ... I love her. Fuck. Everything's coming back into my mind. This night with Vic. How he told me he was in love with someone and how he kissed me. That kiss. Damn. Vic is a better kisser than my girlfriend.
Uhm ... have I really just thought about this?
"Jaime, what's wrong? You seem a bit distanced", Lily pulls me out of my thoughts. 'Yes, I am distanced. My best friend's kiss was better than yours. What do you expect me to do now?' "I think, I'm just a bit tired from tour. I mean, I just got home. Sorry." I want her to go, but I don't want to be impolite and push her away.
"Yeah, right. I think I'll better go and let you rest then", Lily suggests and I'm really relieved about it. "See you tomorrow", she says, kisses me on the cheek and leaves.
Finally alone; with nothing to do. Nothing to worry about right now. Great.
As my dad comes home I'm already more relaxed and ready to tell him everything, too. And then I can eventually sleep very well.

I wake up to the sound of my phone. I got a new message from Lily. She's ill and doesn't want to come over to avoid me getting ill, too. Actually I would've said I didn't care, but now I'm really happy that I don't have to talk to her. Hopefully she won't call later...

The three days off I spend with my brother playing video games or taking a walk with my parents or just with my mother. I have to tell exactly what had happen during the whole tour and I tell her everything – except the thing with Vic.
The day before our next meeting with the band I take a walk on my own with my headphones in. I just go without noticing where I'm really at until I'm right in front of Lily's house. I can hear voices from the backyard. It's Lily. And a male voice. Well, I thought she was ill. I'm curious now so I quietly try to get nearer to see with whom she is. They're laughing now and I come closer to the corner. I can look around it ... and I can't believe my eyes. Lily's with her neighbour – I think his name's Tom or so – kissing. What the fuck? She's cheating on me? I can't get it. But I'm hurt, so I just run home, locking me into my room.
Why is she cheating on me? Or better: How long is she already cheating on me? And then I realise. I was actually cheating on her, too. I indeed told Vic I have a girlfriend, but I also thought about being with him, if I wasn't with Lily. I'm hurt anyway. She could've just broken up with me.
And that's what happens now, I guess. Someone's calling me and I pick up my phone. "Jaime? We need to talk. Can you join me 'round the corner?" That's the place we always meet. "Sure. See you in five minutes."
She's a bit nervous as I approach. "What's the matter?", I ask innocently, "I thought you were ill?" "Well, I have to tell you something. And I'm really sorry about it. I should've told you right when you came back, but I didn't want to attack you after the long time on tour." "Okay, and what is it?" "Uhm ... I ... want to break up with you ... I've kind of fallen in love with Tom when you were on tour ... I'm sorry." Should I act hurt now? Or surprised? I don't know. "Ohh ... well, okay ... so I think that was it then ...?" I try not to sound happy about this. Why am I even happy? That's not right. "You're okay with it?", she asks astonished. "Yeah, I think we were falling apart anyway ... so ... yeah, it's cool then." "Great. Well, then see you." And then she leaves and I go home again. I'm looking forward to tomorrow now.

We often meet at Vic and Mike's house so I take my bike and go there. They have a big garden where we often play soccer. I'm meeting Vic there.
"Hey! Mike's still in the bathroom", he says, "What did you do the days?" "Relaxing. Lily broke up with me, listening to music, nothing special. You?" "Nothing special?? You broke up with Lily??" "Yeah. She cheated on me with her neighbour. But it's cool. And actually I kind of cheated on her, too, right?" I grin, also because it doesn't feel wrong to think about that night anymore and that's great.
Vic grins, too, and his eyes start to gleam.
"Hey, guys. What's up?" Tony also looks more relaxed now. And Mike's coming now, too. We all don't want to make this band stuff now, so we play soccer the whole day until it gets too dark to see the ball.
"Jaime, Tony, do you want to stay the night at our house? We could watch films or play videogames", Vic suggests. "I really like to, but I promised my mother to go to the cinema with her this evening. And I guess I have to go now. Sorry." "No problem. Have fun then! Jaime, what about you?" He looks at me. "Yeah, why not? It's gonna be fun!" And maybe we will have a moment to finally talk about everything.

After watching the first part of 'The Lord Of The Rings' Mike already got tired, so he goes upstairs to his room, leaving us alone in the living room.
"Aren't your parents home this night?", I ask Vic. "No, they are at my grandma's house tonight."
And now there's silence. Kind of an awkward silence. Not that awkward silence when you feel really uncomfortable around a person 'cause you actually don't like that person. That awkward silence where both persons actually want to say something – important – but don't dare to.
And I still feel bad for Kellin.
Then Vic's phone rings and he picks it, it isn't a call. But he has to smile anyway. Who sent him a message?
"Hey, it's from Kellin", he says. 'Oh no, what if they ... ? Not now, when I have the chance to ...' He comes a bit closer and gives me his phone. And now I can see, why he had to smile. Kellin sent a picture of himself. With a girl in his arms. He wrote: 'That's Lucy and I'm the happiest person right now.' I have to smile, too, and give Vic his phone. "I'm so glad he found someone", Vic looks at me, then down at his hands. "Yeah, me too." But I feel kind of uncomfortable in this situation. And I guess Vic is noticing it.
"Hey, Jaime, what's wrong?" "Uhm ... I could ask you the same question", I try to avoid answering directly. "Yeah ... well ... I think, we have to talk ..." "Uhm ... okay. And about what?" I know exactly about what. I know exactly what goes on. And I'm a bit scared of the coming conversation, or shouldn't I? Help.
"I think we finally have to talk about what had happened that night on tour", he looks directly into my eyes. His eyes are just so beautiful and I just nod, trying not to blush. "So ... well ... it's a few weeks ago now, but I ... still ... I still think it wasn't a big mistake ... I still feel ... the same ... about – about us." Now he blushes and quickly looks away. "I can totally understand when you want to get out of my way now. I know you're straight. I just can't live with keeping that for myself all the time. I'm sorry." He sounds hurt. I want to say something, but suddenly the door is opened and Vic's and Mike's parents come into the room.
"Hey, we decided to not ... oh, hi, Jaime, nice to see you here. Are you going to stay the night?", his mum asks me. "Yeah, if I'm still allowed to when you're here", I grin, because actually I'm always allowed to stay. It's kind of my second family. His mum just laughs.
"So, we decided to not stay at my parents house for the night, because mum is a bit ill", Vic's dad tells us and Vic just nods at him. "Vic, is everything okay with you?", his dad asks. "Yeah, I guess I'm just tired. We should go to my room to get some sleep, shouldn't we?", he looks into my direction. I nod and we go into his room. But we don't talk anymore. I'm a bit afraid and I still don't dare telling him about my feelings. And he probably thinks I'm staying because I don't want to confuse his parents or so.
Everything went wrong, I guess. Okay, not completely, but still not well ...

Next morning we have breakfast alone, because the others are still sleeping. Nobody talks.
"I guess I'll go home after breakfast"; I say to break to silence. "Yeah ...", Vic just says, still looking into his bowl of cereals.
Ahh, I have to tell him! But I can't ...

"Uhm, see you later", Vic says as we both stand outside in front of his house. But I don't leave. I just stand there, looking at my feet. "What's wrong?", he asks. 'Okay, I have to tell him now!' "Well ... I ... I – I can't tell you!" 'Fuck!' "Why not?" I just shake my head. "Maybe you could ... show me?" Yeah, I could ... actually.
I look at him. Into his eyes. I'm already very close to him, so I just lean forward and put my lips onto his for a few seconds. For the best few seconds I had during a kiss. And, yes, he really is a better kisser than Lily, I notice as he kisses me back. When I let go, I can see confusion in his eyes.
"See you", I just say and walk away slowly, while counting the seconds.
"Jaime!", he finally shouts and I turn around, as he runs towards me and hugs me tightly. "Why didn't you say something yesterday?", he asks me, smiling. "Well ... I didn't dare to ... And then your parents came back ... and I was just so confused ... I mean I just found out that I'm not straight, right?" I grin. "Yeah, mum and dad totally ruined it", Vic laughs. Then he kisses me softly onto my lips and I just forget everything for a few seconds.
And that is the start of our relationship, I guess.