Youth 2

Previously:

That familiar hospital smell hit me right when I entered the building, with Neymar by my side.

As we walked to the reception desk I felt dizzy and sick. I can barely walk straight, so with no words a head I leaned all my weight on him. He quickly wrapped his arms around my not so tiny waist. I feel like I am going to puke, and to be honest I feel like that's exactly what's going to happen.

"Hi, we called for an a-appointment earlier today....abortion. I-It's Anabella Di Alvarez, and Neymar" I just heard him talk to the lady. My ears were ringing and I couldn't keep my eyes completely open.

"Oh no worries Mr.Santos. The doctor Ms.Di Alvarez was with earlier yesterday has already got everything sorted, she's aware of this. First, we need to get this young lady something. She must be very nervous, I understand her" I just hear the lady's warm and caring voice, I can barely see her appearance. My visions are blurry.

They lay me down on a bed. It's a big surprise to me that I haven't fainted yet. I just have blurred vision, dizzy head, and the feeling of puking my guts out. This must be because of how nervous I am. My hands are shaking and it stops when Neymar took hold of it. His warm hands on my cold hands felt weird at first, but I am not going to lie that it helped me in this situation.

Someone which I am assuming is the woman at the reception placed something like a flannel on my forehead. Then she gave me some pills, not sure what it was but I took it.

I started to feel more "awake". I was still nervous of course. I was more than nervous. I have never done anything like this, but I have to get away with it. I want to finish. I want to forget about everything. I just want to start again. From the very start.

The doctor from yesterday walked in. Her warm welcoming smile gave me a sign that I should stop worrying and go with it normally because after all this is my decision. The lady from the reception left, so it was only me, Junior, and the doctor.

"I want you to stop worrying. you are sure about this, right?" She says, taking my free hand. I nod and look up at Neymar. He's looking out the window while holding my hand tightly.

"On the phone you said you rather stick to the pill method, but if you want to change that it is totally up to you" She says as she walks over to the other side of the room and opens the cabinets.

"I...I'm fine with the pill" I whisper, she barely hears me.

I watch as she looks through the drawers and then takes out a box. There were several pills in several boxes. So many girls and women have done this before, so why do you have to be scared so much Ana...come on get over it.

She pours some water in the plastic cup and hands it to me. Then she hands me the pill. My heart beats, so fast I think Junior can hear it.

"Neymar, you don't mind if you wai-" He cuts me off, standing up.

"I can wait outside, let me know when you're finish" He says exciting the room. It was so obvious he didn't like it.....but I don't think I like this either. I watch him leave and I can't even see his face, but I can imagine how hurt it looks. Am I stupid for doing this.

I am holding the pill and the cup of water. I am shaking and I hope I don't end up spilling the water all over the doctor sitting in front of me. I look up at her and I feel the tears in the corner of my eyes.

"I know you're nervous, especially now that I am sitting right in front of you. Why don't you go in the bathroom, and have some time alone. Take the pill when you are ready. I am going to wait outside with Neymar, Okay?" She says, rubbing my back. I nod and she leaves the room.

I stand up. I walk over to the bathroom which is only a few steps away from me. I manage to walk my way there without collapsing on the floor. I lock the door behind me and place the cup of water on the sink. I place the pill next to it, making sure it doesn't fall into the sink. Then I look in the mirror.

My reflection was more like confused, then broken. Was I ready for this? Am I even making a good decision? I have only thought about doing this for a few day? All these questions are making me think more wiser.

The girl standing in front of the mirror clearly still has feelings for the daddy of the baby in my belly. The baby

How can I let the baby go when Neymar would have done anything to keep it. How can I want to take this damn pill and get over it. This baby will grow obviously bigger and I need to be there, because I am actually the mother. Just like how my mom would never let me go. Just like how she does anything to protect me and my sister. I need to learn from her. To be brave. To give birth to our baby and do anything for it. Taking this pill is just going to make me feel weak and not strong like how I want to be.

Tears run down my face and I stand there looking at my reflection. I am better than this. I am better than the girl standing in front of the mirror crying and holding tightly onto the pill. I am better than what I thought I was. I am strong and thinking that I am weak is stupid.

In the quickest movement I have made this week, I threw the pill in the toilet and flushed it away along with all my stupid worries.

I splashed my face with cold water and dried it with paper towel. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror again.

I am better than that. I am strong enough to give home and love to her or him. I have a loving family, I have Neymar so why should I worry. Why did I ever worry...

The bump is bigger than yesterday and I just noticed it now. I rub my belly and the most amazing thing happened. I felt a move. I felt a move! more like a small kick!

A smile brightened up my face. A smile I thought I was never going to have. It's like everything inside me brightened up. This was pure magic. I don't care how cliche it sounds, but come on....this was magic!

I open the door and call the doctor in. She walked in looking confused and shocked. The giddy smile on my face really made her think "what the fuck happened to her?".

"Ana? are you okay?...did you not take the p-" I cut her off.

"I didn't....I couldn't....oh my god the most amazing thing just happened to me! it moved! I felt it!" I jumped up in down careful not to hurt him or her. This time it was happy tears. Tears that were made of happiness. She was crying with me....crying with happy tears.

She wrapped me around her arms and squeezed me tightly. She rubbed my back and whispered all these happy things. Happy, happy, and happy.

"Oh my...Ana....I just want you to know that I have never ever felt so emotional at work, you really are special to me" She wiped the tears of joy and hugged me tighter. I backed away from the hug quickly and looked at her with concern.

"Where's Neymar?" I ask with wide eyes, waiting impatiently for him to just walk in. I'm in need for one of his hugs. I want to make him the most happiest boy on this planet.

"Oh darling he's been waiting out impatiently, he's been walking down the hallway going crazy. He wouldn't even talk to me. All he wanted was you at that moment. Go to him now but tell him the news in a special way" She winked and I couldn't resist but hug her back.

The hallway was literally empty. Neymar wasn't there either. I walked passed the Cafe and stopped when I saw him sitting alone with his head buried in between his palms.

I quietly walked to where he was sitting from the back. I tip toe and he still hasn't noticed I am behind him. His head is still buried in between his palms and I am just praying to god he hasn't been crying.

I hug him from the back and whisper "Our baby kicked.....meu amor".