Percy Jackson and The Nameless Deity: Ensemble of Fools

How I Punched the god of War into another Dimension, but on purpose this time

It took almost an hour before I could muster up the energy to say get up from my testing slumber, and re-join my friends who were impatiently waiting for me.

"What the Hades have you been doing?" Annabeth greeted me as I stepped up. I didn't bother to answer her, turning my attention to the god further down the sandy beach, who was waiting for him, leaning against his bike.

"Hey kid," Ares greeted him. "You were supposed to die."

I simply sighed. Ares was way too cocky for his own good. "Sorry to disappoint," I deadpanned, fingers curling around Riptide in my pocket.

Let's get this over with, bastard.

I looked the god up and down, before adding with as much exasperation a twelve-year-old could muster, "Hand over the helmet, will you? I don't want to just snitch to my uncles when I return the bolt."

Irritation flickered over Ares' features. "No way, kid. We will have a nice three-way slugfest going on once the solstice passes."

"And what do you gain from that?" I sighed. I know I'd already gone through this, but I also knew Clarisse was right there, and she was listening intently. Hopefully, I can get her to see that her dad is an asshole.

Such an act could strengthen or strain your friendship with the Daughter of War.

Worth it.

"War, obviously." Ares pulled out the skip cap from his pocket that turned into a bronze helmet which he placed on his bike.

"You really think you'd survive this three-way war of self-destruction? If they go against each other, you'd be caught in the crossfire." I tried to reason with the unreasonable god.

"You really think that I didn't account for that? I'm the Goddamn god of War kid, I think about everything before I so much as utter the words that'll start it," Ares proclaimed, head still in the clouds clearly.

"And what about your kids?" I decided to go with that route. Ares was definitely a Sadist, maybe even a masochist, but if I can trip him up with his own kids, maybe I can shut him up.

"They-...They'll be fine. They're my kids, they've trained long enough, if they even needed it. They'll come through it unscathed," Ares protested, as I caught a glimpse of Clarisse.

It was a mix of fear and concern. Clearly, despite being the daughter or war, she was not game for it so soon.

"Sure about that? One is right here, want to ask for her opinion at all?" I shot back. I wish Annabeth was speaking up, because this battle of wits was fluctuating heavily.

"I know that's how she feels, right Clarisse?" Ares asked, pointing his stupid bat right at La Rue, who hastily nodded. "See kid. That angle ain't gonna work for you."

"Yeah, because you're her dad. Of course she's gonna lie to you to keep you happy. Pretty simple equation," I kept going. "How about Silena? You sure Aphrodite would be keen on you letting one of her kids pass on too, because you wanted a three-way splatfest?"

Ares kept looking more and more steamed by the second. "You're really testing my patience here kid."

"Good. You might as well be 'the God of Wrath,' because there is no way you have any patience to begin with. You set up both your own kid and your girlfriend's kid to be harmed at best, and killed at worst, just so that you could, what, get an eternal battle that not even you would probably make it out of? Why'd you even give us the bolt if you wanted war in the first place? Would have been better to keep the bolt for yourself."

"Yeah." His features clouded. "Why didn't I ...?" For a few seconds the god was caught in a trance before he scoffed. "I didn't want the trouble. Better to have you caught red-handed with that thing."