Random excerpts from my brain

Effected by Words

I'm going into high school this year, and I am completely terrified. High school is what matters to colleges and that freaks me out a little, but that's not my main worry. The most terrifying worry of all is the possibility of getting bullied by those in grades above me.

I've always been the odd one out in school. I don't care about being popular, I will gladly flaunt a t-shirt showcasing my favorite youtuber/artist, I would rather sit in a corner with a pencil and my sketchbook than socialize, and, to top it all off, I am a complete choir nerd. Before this hasn't really been an issue seeing as I have really flaunted these traits, but now I desperately want to be in the musical, I want to be in the art club, I want to try to put myself out there and do what I love, and I'm going to. Nothing is going to stop me from starting; my only fear is that something will stop me from finishing.

I know that words get in my head easily. I almost deleted an entire 50 chapter story that I'd worked for months on because of a couple negative comments. Words get in my head and it takes a lot for me to convince myself they aren't true. To this day I'm still not completely proud of that story.

Plus, I'm already shy and unsure about my singing voice, and I'm going to audition for the musical! I already know that one negative remark can easily make me believe that I won't get a part. Even if I do get a part, with a single sentence, I will get it in my head that I don't deserve it.

Despite all these fears of the cruelness of the world, I'm still going to do it because if YouTube has ever taught me anything it's to not be afraid to be yourself. That's what I'm going to do. I am going to conquer my fears and audition for the musical and enter the art fair and take drama and MAYBE ILL EVEN HIT THEM DAMN HIGH NOTES FOR ONCE. Who knows? My point is, I'm absolutely terrified, but it's not stopping me.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather rather the judgement that something else is more important."
- The Princess Diaries

"I am strong and if I choose to use my power in the service of my vision it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." - random notebook I have with quotes in it