NECROMANTIC

twenty two.

I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. "What?" I asked, in a small squeak.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. But it's one of the conditions of mom grounding me. I can't go out this weekend, at all."

My heart started to pound, as panic set in. I'd only just psyched myself up for giving Marcus another chance and meeting him at IHOP, but that'd been with the knowledge that I'd have Rob by my side. Now... now I'd have to do it alone. And I wasn't sure I could. "You could sneak out." I said in a small, pathetic voice.

"Sarah, I... I can't do that. You know I can't. It'd only make things ten times worse if I was caught. And she's off from work this weekend, so she'll be checking up on me constantly. To be honest, I'm surprised and lucky she's letting me keep my phone for this week." He paused. "And think about it... I sneak out, get caught and she'll ground me longer. Maybe even ban us from seeing each other, aside from in school."

I went still, and quiet.

I didn't want to go alone, true – the idea made me grit my teeth and feel so stressed. But I also didn't want Rob to be alone. Dealing with all the shit that had happened.

But another part of me told me him being alone would be better than him being around me. I was the one who'd brought the fucked-up-ness into his life. He needed a break.

And as though he'd read my thoughts – and wanted to confirm my fear – he said "And... I don't wanna be... around you. Right now." He said, and just as his words hit me, he sighed. "That came out harsh. I'm sorry. I know it probably hurt you to hear that, but... it needed to be said. I guess everything's just hit me now. Knowing what you can do, the fact I was fucking dead... it's hit me now and... being around you won't help me deal with it or calm me down. Because being around you, I'll push how this whole thing's really making me feel to the back of my mind, because I love you and don't wanna hurt you, but you and I both know that that's not healthy or good for either of us, really, and I guess saying this all is easier on the phone because I can't see the look on your face right now... I'm sorry. But I don't wanna be around you, until I feel like I can be without feeling... however the fuck I'm feeling." He paused, for a long time. So long I wondered if he was still there, but I didn't dare ask. His words had me sad, frustrated, hurt... and angry. And I shouldn't be angry at him. In fact, I deserved for him to say worse for me, and not be so careful with his words. "Do you understand?" he eventually asked me.

I gripped my phone tighter in my hand, so tight it felt like my knuckle bones might rip out of my skin, and closed my eyes. "I understand." I said, the words raw in my throat.

"Good." He said sound – a little, a very little – relieved.

"I'm not going." I told him, my words coming out harsh, spiteful.

Rob sighed – though it was more of a frustrated growl than anything. "Sarah... don't be stupid. Go. You should fucking go. Hear him out at least."

"No." I said, and was about to hit the end call button –

"If not for yourself, do it for me." Rob said, before I could. "If not to finally maybe understand your own fucking... abilities, for fuck sake, do it for me, to make me feel a little better." And then, before I could argue back, or say 'no' again, he hung up.

I forced myself to put my phone back into my pocket, and not hurl it against the wall like I truly wanted to.

My mom looked at me in concern as I walked back into the kitchen. I must've looked as bad as I felt, for her watchful, worried gaze. "You ok, honey?" she asked softly.

I bit back the sarcastic 'spectacular' I nearly snapped out, instead simply bobbing my head in a sharp and simple nod.

"Are you sure, honey, because you can always tell me anything, I-"

"I'm fine." I cut her off sharply, and as soon as I did, I felt a rush of guilt. So I gave her a soft, sheepish smile, and picked up a piece of toast, nibbling on the corner. "Sorry, lack of sleep... I'm a little crabby."

She nodded, smiling back at me, and somehow, I felt even worse then than I did when I'd snapped at her. A big part of me... it just wanted to tell her everything. Tell her all that'd I'd kept a secret since I was six years old. Spill my guts.

But I couldn't.

Even on the very slim chance that she'd believe any of it... she didn't deserve to know all that. To be another to deal with my burden.

So I kept my mouth shut, except to shove toast into it.

"Hey, I was thinking... do you maybe wanna come to the garden center with me later on? Help me pick out some new plants, ask the guy if he knows anything that would've caused them to die to prevent it, have some lunch... just me and you?" mom asked, her tone hopeful.

This was it. My way out of meeting with Marcus. Spending some time with my mom, because for the past couple of years, we'd not really had the chance, what with her working, me being with Rob, or Mae... I wanted to spend the day with my mom, just the two of us, and I didn't want to sit cross a booth in a fast food diner opposite Marcus.

Which is why I felt so bad when I replied "I'm sorry, I've got plans."

Mom's face fell, the second time I'd seen it do that today, but she tried her best to hide it.

"Maybe... maybe this afternoon though? I'm meeting... Mae at eleven, but I can tell her I'm gonna meet up with you?" I offered.

Mom shrugged. "It's ok, honey. You go and have fun with Mae, don't cancel early on account of me."

"No." I stood, and walked over to her, sitting myself down on the seat beside her and grabbing one of her hands. "I can't cancel altogether because it's important... we're, uh, sorting out a history project. But I can totally leave within an hour and meet up with you. I want to."

Mom smiled at me, and twisted her hand around so we were clasped palm to palm, and she gave mine a little squeeze. "Only if you really want to."

"I do." I promised her, and before I could even think my action through, slipped my hand free, and threw both of my arms around her, hugging her tight.

I wanted more than anything to be able to keep and fulfil that promise.