The Kissing Diaries

The Kissing Steps - A Page in the Diary

To, Claire Jackson

There are twelve kissing steps. All of which you have experienced. This is why I'm warning to all the females out there, well, myself really.

Do not fall for it.

This is all a game. I'm telling you. You just have to trust me. And you'll get that happily ever after that I'm currently not getting. 

So, to the steps:

Step 1) Eye to body. Boring step. It's just hinting he's going to look into your eyes. Why not do it staright away?

Step 2) Eye to eye. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Seriously, he's just trying to make your heart jump, and if it happens, you've gone into the world of heartbreakers, and troublemakers.

Step 3) Voice to voice. Don't get too happy at this stage, this is where you give him your number and wait for hours after he's gone to call you back... Which in my case never used to happen.

Step 4) Hand to hand. He's saying he's comfortable around you.

Step 5) Hand to shoulder. That's the warning that he really likes you. Seriously, try to take it as a warning, not a jolly day at the park. Yes, they'll be giggling and laughing, but calm it sister. I'm telling you as a twenty year old that this is all a part of their game.

Step 6) Hand to waist. At this stage, you might aswell pretend he's asked you out. If he hasn't already, he will.

Step 7) Face to face. Otherwise known as the goodnight kiss. So romantic, but try looking into his eyes intently, and you'll see the evil glint that I see in them.

Step 8) Hand to face. When he increases the kissing. It's when he runs his hands through your hair, and it feels like a day at the beach, like nothing matters anymore. But it doesn. It most certianly does.

Step 9) Hand to body. My version of that is 'straying hands'. It's that moment when the boy trying to go higher or below the waist. I advice you, at that moment to say "Don't even think about it!" It will make things a lot more easier.

Step 10) Mouth to Body. Where are those clothes? On the floor? And you're on the bed, or somewhere that takes you to step twelve.

Step 11) Touching below the waist. We all know why he's touching below the waist. Trying to take more clothes off than necessary. 

And Step 12) Getting Laid. Voila. This is where girls get pregnant, unexpectedly. And where the boy becomes a daddy to a child he doesn't want. 

Listen to me, I may not be a pregnant women, or a mother to a child, or a very experienced person at step 12, but don't go there until you're thirty, maybe forty. You won't reget it then, because you'll probably be married to a man who watches football all day, drinking and sleeping, whilst you go to work as the head of some company you made. 

 From,

      A wise Claire Jackson.