Mystery ~ MV1

016. My way or the-

[Agent A]

I remember not crying at my family's funeral.

I became an orphan with nothing to even show for the family I once had — in just one night.

Yet I didn't shed a tear. It's like my brain was lacking certain chemicals, my neurotransmitter not working well enough to send signals on which reaction I should be having.

I gain plenty of weird looks that day, but I didn't care. I just started at the green grass, mocking me with its lively color when it should've been just as mournful as I was. It was such a bright green, so bright that the hole I had dug with the toe of my shoes stuck out like a sore thumb.

Maybe it was my form of payback for the grass being so green when it should've been a decaying brown to match the dirt being piled into the three fresh graves.

My whole world had come crashing down and the grass was too green, and the looks were too pitying, and I couldn't fucking cry. I couldn't shed one tear for my dead father who wished he could've had it all. I couldn't shed one single
tear for my mom who fell in love with a man and the danger that followed him. I couldn't shed one single fucking tear for my younger sister who was so full of life before it was ripped from her — burned to ashes like the fire she was trapped in.

All because I refused to show weakness. All because I was too hardwired that when you showed someone your tears, you were trusting them with a blade sharp enough to slide in-between your shoulder blades.

And I didn't trust anyone with that weapon.

It seemed the sky cried for me that day, dark and looming cloud hung overhead — its tears ricocheting off my coat as I stood frozen in place.

But then suddenly it stopped and someone entered my peripheral vision. The rain no longer fell over me, now blocked by the cover of the umbrella a familiar face brought.

"You're gonna catch a cold." His voice was stoic and solid. I could read between the lines his short statement somehow had. It was Raymond, there was always something to see between his words — a deeper meaning that he'd make someone work to find out.

I stayed silent, my throat feeling scratchy with lack of use. Not that I planned on saying much because truly what could I say. He was practically in the same position I was in — he had just lost his partner, the only person he truly had in his life. He wasn't married and had zero children. He was now just as alone as I.

"I'm not good at emotional stuff, but I'm here if you need anything," he offered and I felt his gaze look towards me yet I stayed looking at the stupid green grass as I dug into it more.

"Got any whiskey?" I made the humorless laugh that only got me a huff from him.

"You're fifteen."

"Doesn't feel like it."

We were both shocked into silence at my 'outburst' of emotions. And the silence stretched around us, neither of us being the type to break it.

Before finally Raymond spoke up, almost to clarify what we both preferred in this time of mourning. "I can also stand here silently with you."

"I'd prefer that." I told him without hesitation. That's how I wanted to deal with things, I wanted to be strong enough to fight the raging war inside by myself.