Broken Speed | Lestappen

19 | honest words

-|- Monaco -|-

"I... I was scared... I... I am so sorry Charles, I don't know what got into me." I stuttered, scared that he would laugh about me or the fact that I had kissed him.

But instead he slowly turned me in his hands, so that my back was no against the cold bar, while he was standing right in front of me. And there wasn't a grin on his face like I had expected it to be, no, he was... nervous?

"It's my fault Max, it really is." he started before he sighed, "I gave you the hope, the feeling that there was more between us, that there is more between us, but then I never fulfilled that myself, I always backed out, looked for some dumb excuses."

I held my breath while he was talking, too nervous about what he would say. Yes, he gave me hope that there could be more then just a friendship, but maybe he was about to say that this was all his fault and he never intended to do so.

"But the truth is I just couldn't admit it myself." Charles continued before he looked up into my eyes, "Admit that there was more, that there is more between us. Every time I left you, my heart hurt and I was confused, asking myself if that was normal for 'friends'."

"It's not." I mumbled quietly, as I had felt exactly the same, every time he had left me.

"I now know Max, seeing you in Miami after I told you that I just kissed you because of Alex, it broke my heart. Because it wasn't the truth, I was just so scared of my own feelings that I tried to hold onto her, telling myself that she was the person I was in love with, even though she wasn't."

"I... I am sorry." I stuttered, feeling that I had to apologize for my stupid behavior in Miami, where I had been running off, crying like a little kid.

"No Max, there's nothing you have to be sorry for." Charles returned, before he chuckled slightly, "Only for running away, after the race, out of my drivers room."

He described the scene without naming what really happened, I kissed him. I fucking kissed Charles Leclerc, another man, another driver, the main rival, the enemy as Christian always said.

"But I'm also very thankful that you did it. Not the running away, as I would have loved to taste you longer, but the thing before." Charles continued, slightly smiling by now, "I'm glad you did it, cause it showed me what I really wanted, what I needed."

"That you weren't in love with Alex?" I asked, not really getting his point as the nervousness was overwhelming me.

"No Max" he chuckled, slowly sliding his hands upwards to rest them against my naked chest while he bit his bottom lip, "Gosh you're so cute when you're all shy and overwhelmed."

"W... What?" I stuttered, feeling goosebumps all over my skin, the cold bar against my back and Charles's hot hands against my chest only adding to that.

"It showed me that what we had was so much more, more then just a friendship." he returned, before he got more serious, "At first I wanted to be there for you because of your loss, because I knew exactly what it was like. And I had no one back then, so I wanted to be there for you."

I felt a tear running down my cheek at his words, the thought of Victoria and that she wouldn't come back, still lingering in my heart, the pain still too strong, only buried under all these other emotions.