MY GOD

My testimony

I am a christian. I believe in God and the Devil, heaven and hell. With God there is no such thing as a coincedance except everything happens for a reason. People think that being christian means going to church every Sunday, praying, and reading the bible. Yes, but that is not entirely true. Besides the obvious, there is a lot more to being a christian. Not many people realize that.

I spent my whole life in Springfield, Massachusetts. Born and raised so my grammer is kind of rough sometimes. But like many other children my parents were not married nor were they engaged. My dad was there most of the time but if he wasn't he was selling marijuana or smoking it. I was an only child so I was the princess and the world revolved around me. But at the age of six I had my innocence stripped right from me by the man whom I had called my father. And again by an older cousin. Crappy childhood.

In the year of 2010 my walk with God started. I started out getting saved (prayed over). Time and time again just repeatedly getting saved, feeling as if nothing was changing. At that point in my life everything seemed still. My life wasn't horrible but it wasn't great either, it was just okay. Little did I know I was running straight into the Devil's arms. Ain't that something?

That same year I moved to New Jersey with my mom to live with her boyfriend (who's her husband now). When we moved there was no more church, no more scriptures from the bible just us and the world. For seven years I didn't say anything about what I had went through. I thought I was okay but I didn't realize how deep it hit me. I completely ignored my feelings to the point where I was just numb. It didn't make sense to me. Why all of a sudden am I numb to feeling? Emotional wise.

I didn't know what to call it. Then I started cutting. Wishing I was dead, wanting attention but seeking it from boys who weren't right for me. I always cried myself to sleep at night not knowing why but saying, "I just want to die. God take my life now!" Always wearing sweaters, had so many insecurities. I just hated me and I wanted to end it. But I still didn't know why I was so numb.

One night in 2012, my mom found out that I was cutting myself and flipped. She just wanted to know why and I did too so I told her everything. She said, "Had I'd known, I would've never pushed for you guys to have a father daughter relationship." I went from locking the bathroom door and staying in my room with the door closed to keeping the bathroom door unlocked and being in the living room all the time. And I finally had stopped cutting. I felt better and closer with my mom. I was still numb though, why?

The summer of 2013 we found High Place Church and November of 2014 my mother and I got baptized. I started to understand my reason for being on the earth. At the darkest point in my life I wondered why god didn't help me when I called upon him. But after hearing the word from God repeatedly I realized that God only gives us what he knows we can handle. He knows what we're going to do before we do it. He knows us better than anyone. But better yet, he loves us unconditionally and he is a merciful and forgiving God.

Here it is 2015 and I finally know what the numbness was. I was suffering from depression. It started out with the numb feeling occuring once in while but then just recently it was every second of the day. I was being dragged back into the Devil's arms once more and the thought of killing myself came frequently. I started dreaming and day-dreaming about commiting suicide but I always had a smile on my face and tried to make others happy. Just recently at the church was Youth takeover and that was the day I finally was released from my depression, anxiety, worry, suicidal thoughts, anger, and sadness.

When someone, who goes to church or an atheist, is suicidal and commits suicide people believe that that was God's plan for them. But they are wrong. The only reason people commit suicide is because the Devil fills their mind with lies constantly and he never stops. God tries to protect us from the Devil but in some cases we are to far in to all of a sudden have a change of heart. God has a plan for everyone and taking our own lives is not one of them. Had it not have been for him I wouldn't be here writing about this.

I am a 14 year old daughter of Christ whose been dragged to the pit twice but brought back by my saviour, Jesus Christ. I have a baby sister and two loving parents who give me hope and love every day. God is always testing our faith and so is the Devil so we have to be cautious of our decisions. The Devil knows all just like God. But the Devil is losing because God's love and forgivness is more powerful than evil.