Read My Mind

1. How My Mind Works

When the whole world thinks you're straight and you have to explain to every single person you know that you like boys too, you start to become kind of pro. I've found that the most efficient and effective way of falling out of the closet is to just shout "gay" really loud while holding a mildly happy smile on your face - most people tend to get the picture. Now, a little bit about me. Well actually the whole book is about me but this bit is more specific. Okay so I'm not one of those depressed gays with no friends that spends all his money on dark clothes and Gerrard Way CDs: with a bottle of vodka and a packet of cigarettes constantly under my pillow. Nor am I the stereotypically camp "OMG look at my pet squirrel; isn't he GOORRRRGEOUUUUUSSSS" while I wave a multicoloured flag and a pink feather boa as YMCA plays loudly in the background. I'm just gay. A straight guy who fucks boys. So that explains that.

    I think 16 is a good age to know. And by that, I mean whether you're gay, straight or bi (A.K.A. the 'I Don't Give A Fuck What Gender You Are' sexuality) but then again I see labelling yourself about as important as RS homework. I'm 5 foot and 8 inches tall, I'm pretty fat but I'm working on it, I have shit handwriting, I play guitar pretty well and I love ducks. I mean dicks. No, no, I was right the first time. The most important thing about me is that I have great friends though. In particular, 4 great friends:

   

    1. Ava. Not the cleverest of souls. She is the girl that everyone wants to be. The ultimate white girl 'school group leader' who wears plenty (but not too much) makeup and drinks lots of orange juice. Her Instagram feed is particularly perfect with lots of light and colour and she is one of those people that just happens to pull off anything she wears. Just above her small but perky boobs, she has a slightly lighter mark on her skin from a popcorn burn, tragic I know. She wears plenty of bracelets and always kills jokes with some kind of stupid terrible accent; but she sticks up for herself and she knows what she wants how she wants it and who she is.

    2. Esme. If there are people in the world that 'break the mould', Esme has smashed the mould. She has strangled and tortured the mould until the mould promised to do exactly as Esme says. A typical fangirl who lusts after boy band members (usually Luke Hemmings) and makes everything she does or wears have an individual mark, or a unique twist. Esme is the voice of reason in an argument and always has a fair point to make when no one else does. Grey eyes are her weakness and do be careful not to ignore her because you will find yourself cut into a million pieces and scattered over the seven realms. Alternative, loosely monochrome style Instagram with a few bursts of light over-exposure. Esme is a cool person to be around.

    3. Deon. The Alpha male. Deon made his own gym in his garage and even put up his own lat pull down machine with some string. His logic is "If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid". Deon understands me entirely but is completely different at the same time. He struggles with speaking to girls and struggles even more when speaking in English class. However, he's not afraid to send a ridiculous face on snapchat. If there is a physical activity in the world that Deon cannot do, it doesn't exist. Whether it be surfing or boxing, Deon knows how to do it. He loves rugby, cheesecake and Kanye West but hates the sound of paper folding over a pair of scissors. To everyone else, he comes across pretty vanilla - but to me and a select few others, he has lots of flavour indeed. People like Deon.

    4. Jase. He is my original best friend. Jase is and probably always will be the funniest and most genuine person I know. Together we invented dipping chips in lemonade - age 7. Jase has an answer for everything. It will never make sense but will leave you being able to say nothing back. He wears incredibly straight fit jeans and takes pride in having the same belt since he was about 10 years old. Jase will happily stay in bed for millions of years and wouldn't even leave his house for a zombie apocalypse as long as 'Friends' is on soon. Jase is the type of guy that doesn't give a fuck about anyone else because he doesn't need to. He has lots of expensive clothes and loves to brag about things that he doesn't own such as his dad's car or his brother's biceps. He's the leader of the loser brigade at school but never hangs around with them and is a definite family guy. Jase is a twat, but he's great.

   

    When I was 15, I came out to these people. At first I was so scared. I seriously considered living my life as a lie and finding a wife that I probably wouldn't love and just being straight forever until I died. But it was not to be. This is how I came out...