For me? (PHAN ONE SHOT)

Bathroom door

Phil pov
I smiled at Dan, he's been clean from cutting for almost 2 months now, but I still get the nagging feeling he's going to try to do 'it' again.

"I'm going to get food at the shopping centre, wanna come?" I said , reading the list of food we needed.
"No not really..." Dan said quietly
I sighed "Daan we need food and I don't want to leave you here alon-"
"I can take care of myself!" Dan said angrily at me.

"Oh." I said "fine. But text me if you're feeling the urge to-"
"I said I can take care of my fucking self!" He yelled.
I paused for a moment, taking in what he was saying. I don't think he knows how much it hurt not just him but me. I thought.

"Sorry." Dan whispered "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'll text you."

I smiled at him "okay...I'm going to leave now, I love you." I said
Dan grinned at me "I love you too."
I planted a kiss on his forehead and threw on a jacket, checking my hair a bit in the mirror. I opened the door and looked back, Dan waved and I waved back. I then went out the door and walked down the stairs.

The streets were crowded with people as usual. I noticed a young girl with her friends talking, she had a our 'official phandom member' bracelet on.

I smiled and walked toward her.
Her back was turned to me, so I tapped her shoulder.

The girl quickly turned around and I saw her jaw drop "Oh my god! Phil!" She gasped "I can't believe it's you!"
She ran her fingers through her brown hair.

I laughed a bit "I was just walking and I noticed how you were wearing our bracelet," I said.

Her face turned to happy to scared. She grasped her wrist "Oh yeah I forgot I was wearing that." She said, her voice getting panic-like.

I felt my shoulders tense "what's wrong?" I said, I was actually concerned about her.

Her face turned to disappointment "you see, Phil, before I found you and Dan... I used to..." She trailed off, I saw tears starting to form in her eyes.

She used to cut. I finished in my mind.

I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me "what's your name?" I said. "B-Blair." She stuttered.
I wrapped my arms around her
"Blair, promise me that no matter how hard it gets, you won't ever hurt yourself again. No matter how worthless you feel, just remember what I'm about to say." I pulled away from the hug and slowly raised her wrist to my face "you're beautiful, amazing and strong." I said as I kissed her wrist.

I let it go and we stood there for a moment. Blair looked to the ground and wiped away a tear "thank you, Phil, thank you so much. I promise." She said in a quiet voice. I put my hand on her shoulder once again "I need to go...but, remember what I said, okay?"

"I will."

I slowly turned away, and as I got a bit further I heard her say something "I CANT BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED!" Her and her friends squealed in excitement.

I smiled and I got to the grocery store.
I walked around, checking the list a few times as I found a cart. I strolled around "okay, milk."

A few minutes passed until I got a message.

Dan: help me

My eyes watered at the message
"No." I muttered in horror, causing strange glares at me.

I didn't bother to put the cart back, I just ran.
A hot tear streamed down my face, oh god... Blair is going to see me! I tried to run as fast as I could, I wouldn't usually push people but this time was different. I could loose him.

My Dan

I saw Blair but I instantly turned away, she definitely saw the tears.
"Phil..?" I heard her call. I didn't turn back. I couldn't turn back.

I arrived at our flat and I scavenged for Dan.

I noticed the bathroom door was shut. I placed my ear on the door.

Silence.

Then I heard a gagged gasp for air.

"DAN!" I screamed as I slammed my body against the wooden door.

When it finally opened I saw Dan there. Three pills in his hand, his breath shallow and weak. His wrists were slightly cut, tiny drops of blood dripping out.

I gasped for air but nothing came, it felt like I was drowning in my own tears, which were falling from my eyes.

Even with my blurred vision and broken heart, I managed to grab the pills and throw them across the room.

I flung my arms around him and dragged him out of the bathroom.

Dan started sobbing into my shoulders as I held in my screams of heartbreak.

My heart ached like I couldn't take it anymore, to feel crushed by someone else and then try to help them.

"I love you." I sobbed.

"I love you too"

"Then why would you do that?!" I couldn't hold on my feelings anymore.

"If you really loved me you would have fought for me." I cried again, still searching for air.

"Because I'm a selfish piece of dirt." He replied, he wasn't crying anymore, just holding me.

"No." I said, grabbing the razor from in the bathroom.

I put the razor in his hand and put it up to my arm.

"If you want to cut yourself," I said, breathing shallowly "then you need to look me in the eye,"

I stopped crying "and you need to cut me as much as you want to cut yourself."  I breathed out slowly, my hand shaking.

Dan pov
"And you need to cut me as much as you want to cut yourself." He breathed out slowly.

I looked in his eyes in sheer horror of what he was saying.

"No! I couldn't hurt you like that!" I yelled at him.

Is he insane? I'm not going to hurt him like that.

Phil stared in my eyes with a burning sadness, a sadness I've only seen on one person before...myself.

And that's when I understood everything.

I dropped the razor "I- I'm so sorry."

Phil looked down and brought out his leg, on the corner of his ankle there were multiple scars, some faded and some healing "I count how many times you tried to commit..." He trailed off. My eyes burned but no tears came, it was like there were no tears left to shed.

He put his hand over mine, he picked up the razor with my hand and was about to add one more.

"Stop!" I screamed at him.

He looked at me, his eyes red and full of pain "do you understand now Dan? Do you understand how much more it hurts?" He said

Yes! Yes I do now please stop acting like this!

"Yes." I said to him.

"Good." He said, he moved my hand over and cut his ankle a bit, causing it to bleed "now you know."

I whimpered as I saw blood drip down his foot. He stood up and threw the razors in the toilet and flush them down.

He walked past me as I sat still, time seeming so slow. Phil sat down on the couch and wiped the blood away from his foot.

I sat next to him. I would be stronger. For him. For me.

For me?

For me.

18/10/11
That was the day
Daniel James Howell
Stopped cutting.

Hello lovely people! I felt this didn't belong in my PHAN one shots so I decided to just post it here for inspiration for someone or something like that. This is the first and last chapter btw, unless I get random inspiration for some reason to continue....idk. Thank you for reading! <3