My Love for Her ❤

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∆ Jacenya's Thoughts ∆
Shamari is so amazing. I found out such great things about her. I think she's an awesome person w|such a beautiful personality. She drives me wild & I have no idea how to feel. I've never felt this way. Even when I was w|Abby I didn't feel this way. Although the feeling Shamari gives me is amazing I still have fears & insecurities. Like what if later on down the line she loses interest in me & just drops me like a bad habit? Then what would I do?? So many questions fill my head & heart. I'm such a broken girl nobody knows the fears I face everyday. I wonder will being w|me make things hard for us. Shamari is so innocent & pure in my eyes. I don't wanna taint her w|my dirtiness but she wants me & I crave her. I just met the damn girl & I crave everything about her. Even the most innocent things. She's made me want a relationship w|her even though we're 500 miles away. Its like she crawled into the deepest cracks of my mind trying to figure out who I am. She gets me though. We're so alike its frightening but that's the good thing about it. We're both sensitive assholes & when it comes to our feelings we put the more assholish trait out first then as we get more attached to the person the sensitive trait flows through. As much as I long for her I'm scared that she'll use me. I'm scared I'll fall for her & she'll abandon when I need her the most. I'm scared that when the depressing, suicidal thoughts creep into my mind she'll run away from me...leaving me hurt, stranded & lost. Its like I'm in the desert & I've come across this oasis that seems so real & I believe its real but then I start to question that maybe it's the heat getting to me. I begin to question is this fresh water just a figure of my imagination or is it real? Does she like me for my looks or does it go deeper than that? Does she see that I'm broken & hurt or does she not care? As all these questions flow through my mind I still crave her & the most innocent parts of her. I want....her.