The Runway

My flight number is EY918 Etihad Airways, departure time 7:50 P.M. Dubai, UAE May 22, 2014: arrival time is 7:45 A.M. NAIA Terminal 1, May 23, 2014. Be there on time, I don't want to wait for too long.

I reread my message to my brother before sending it. I paused and thought for a while. Should I let them know? Is it right for me to come back? Am I still welcome to come home? I felt butterflies in my stomach. A day from now before my flight and still not yet prepared with my things and luggage. I've been thinking about going back home for months, and many times that I told myself "Why should you?". If I haven't been so selfish and too ambitious about leaving so soon five years ago, maybe going back home isn't as hard as it is now. If I just listened, maybe, I could have gone back home as often as I wanted to during the five years of hiatus with my family. I could have celebrated Christmases and New Years with them, went on trips during summers, and even stayed with them at home on rainy seasons. But I know, that five years were gone. The time just passed by so quickly that I realized, "Where am I now in the picture of my family?" "Do I still have a place in their hearts?" A lot of questions and worries spun in my mind, and I don't know how to prepare myself when that time comes. But in my heart, I am certain that I made the right decisions in my life, and I will show them.

I sighed, closed my eyes, and uttered a short prayer... "Lord God, You know the desires of my heart. Come and take away these worries, and open my heart... once again. Let me see and feel again how to be loved and be accepted. I trust you. Amen."

I deleted the message, and typed, My flight number is EY918 Etihad Airways, departure time 7:50 P.M. Dubai UAE May 22, 2014; arrival time is 7:45 A.M. NAIA Terminal 1, May 23, 2014. I will be waiting no matter how long, just come and see me. and I sent it. I smiled, I was relieved. But when I checked my phone for the time, I heard the loud beating of my heart. 02: 05 am, May 22, 2014. Few hours left before I go. Then I remembered every single word she said.

"You are not sure about this. You can't be accepted as easy as that! What if you fail during the training? What if you can't meet the standards?" My mom said as she was convincing me to withdraw my application. She almost yelled at me for the couple of hours we had been arguing.

"I'm sure about this. I know myself well- enough. I just passed the interview and really, I got the job that I want. Why can't you just let me do the things I want? I'm no longer a child, Mom. I've grown up to make my own decisions this time. I knew you don't trust what I am capable of, but please, give me at least a chance to prove myself. I know what I'm doing." I said straight to her. She just stared at me.

"So, you don't need advice anymore, huh? You think you can take care of yourself pretty well now? Then go ahead, just don't blame me if anything will happen. That's your final decision, then go for it. We are already tired of telling you, take small steps at a time, but you don't want to listen. Your older brother and sister waited for 2 years before they asked to go. We are just telling you to wait, and start on local flights. Why in a hurry?" She paused. "We are disappointed on you. I thought you are smart enough to make the right decisions. But I was wrong." She left my room. I felt guilty, and cried for hours. "What have I done?" I was so helpless, I didn't know what to do.

The next thing I did is to pack my things. It was still two weeks before my flight but I've decided. I'll leave and will never come back. The next things happened that night were so fast and blurry. As I pulled my luggage out of my room, I saw my Mom and my younger brother in the living room. Dad was not yet home from work. Mom was fixing a salad on the small table and was about to go upstairs when she saw me holding my bags. Without looking at her, I hurriedly ran down and darted through the door, as quickly as I can. She called me twice, no, three times, I didn't know. All I did is to run, run away from them. I was crying then, almost tripped on the stairs. Mom called my brother, I thought I heard her crying and begging for me to come back. I didn't look back and I heard my brother called me, trying to stop me, but I hurriedly got a cab and went. And that was the last time I've ever seen them. That was the night I made the biggest decision in my life. And this, after five long years, I've found the strength to come back. And along with that strength is fear; fear of what could happen once they see me after those years of no communication at all from the prodigal child.

I just smiled as I remember those sad memories. I know I can't bring back the times I regret leaving, for the abrupt decisions I made, but I want to start over again. I also wanted to show them that I've made the right choices and decisions in my life, that I've done well as a flight attendant. Five years I've been away from them was difficult, but I learned a lot from everything I went through. Thoughts on getting over my fear encourage me to be brave and be ready, whatever happens. "This is it!" I said. And I decided to pack my things before anything else.

After signing the papers about my leave for a month in the office, I bade goodbye to my fellow cabin crew. They gave me presents and chocolates, treats we usually give to whoever will go on a vacation.

"Take care of yourself, dear. I know you can make it well. " Miss Farah hugged me so tight. She was like a mother to me during the five years of flying.

"We will miss your laughter! Really!" Miss Ingrid giggled. "Good luck!" And she kissed me on my left cheek.

"We surely want some pasalubong from you, okay?" Miss Deira held my hands. "You will be fine, I know. Your family will be happy and grateful to see you again." She smiled sweetly at me, and kissed me. All of them gave warm hugs and words of wisdom, simple things I really love about them.

My eyes swelled with tears. These people loved me so much. They knew everything that I've went through. I've felt from them the love and support I've once lost. They became my family. And now, for a month I have to leave them, for me to go back to my own family. And I'm ready to face them, proud as what I have gone so far.

I heard my heart beats so fast as I walked through the hallways of the airport. I was still wearing my uniform, with my cap well- fixed on my head. I didn't notice that I was still able to wear a big smile and greet whoever I meet in the airport, but the truth is, I was so nervous that anytime, that anytime I might collapse. I was thinking if my brother was able to get my message. I only sent it through Facebook messenger anyway, so, at least, he read it.

Hope and fear rushed through my veins as I get closer to the waiting area. I was just a few meters away when I stopped. There was a crowd and it seemed that few celebrities just arrived also. I waited for some people to pass through, but a group of teens pushed me to go on. I was annoyed, and when I got a chance to go away from them, I quickly stepped out of the crowd and walked past them. The next thing I knew, I was already in the clear area, too visible for people who also wait for their relatives and loved ones to come home. My eyes began to search for the familiar face of my brother. "I hope he still looks the same," I told myself. I patiently searched, hoping to catch a glimpse of my brother over the sea of people in front of me.

I suddenly froze and burst into tears. I saw my brother, and yes, he still looks the same. The next thing was that I dropped my bags and luggage, and quickly ran towards them, as my Dad, my Mom, and my older brother and sister came into the scene, carrying a banner "WELCOME HOME, MITCHIE!"