"Are you okay?" She had curled herself into a ball on the sofa, a quilt wrapped over her with her teddy bear sat on her lap making its self at home. She hadn't spoke much for days but when she did it was words of affection about how much she love me and that she wanted me there with her at all time.
I understood why she was doing it, someone she loved with all her life died all of a sudden without warning and she was never able to tell him that she loved him deeply, so ending on a bad note with me aswell would destroy her. She wouldn't stop listening to sad music and flicking through photos of them both when she was younger. She didn't have any recent ones of them because she was banned from seeing them because of me...
Today was they day of the funeral and for some odd reason we had got an invite. I wasn't going to go but she refused to attend without me so I had to pick out a smart blazer and a white top to go with my regular pair of black skinny jeans. It took a while but I found one. I manged to get the day off work after a long time of persuading the boss. And I found her out a black dress to put on. She didn't really want to move, she wanted to sit there all day admiring the way the cereals in her bowel spun round and round in different directions.
It took a while but she got up and applied her make up and put on the dress I had laid out for her. She found a black cardigan and put it on to hide the scars and bruises on arms. We made our way outside walking towards the car, her heels clicking against the pavement. The car was warmer that outside and I cherished every moment.
As we made our way towards the church I noticed her mother there with a hankie in one hand as she cried deeply on the shoulder of an old woman I didn't know. Eva ran towards her ripping her mother off the women and flinging her arms round her herself, allowing the tears she had been holding the whole day to fall down her delicate cheeks.
It wasn't long before I got attacked. I was expecting it to be honest, I couldn't go to any of Evas family events with out some kind of family member saying they wanted to kick the shit out of me. This time it was her cousin Tim and jesus christ was he intimidating!
He slung his weight towards me throwing words of spite and anger in my direction. I spun round on the ball on my foot to witness the thing distracting me from this lovely scenery. He wasnt as tall as me but he had big bulging muscles to which I had none. I squirmed slightly under his deathly glare as he jumped in front of me.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!" he bellowed from the top of his lungs. I looked round looking for Eva in hope she could save me from this current attack. I didn't really do arguments with her family as it made them hate me more. I did once though which ended in him with a broken nose and me with a black eye, so never again.
"I'm here for Eva what do you think" I explained trying to push past him to go find her. He shoved me back making me roll my eyes at him as he did so.
"Why is this your day off from beating her black and blue?!" I bit my tongue trying to stop the vicious words from dripping out my mouth and replied calmly to him "Mate its a funeral okay a funeral don't start any trouble" he looked me up and down and spate out "I aint your fucking mate! Women beater"
He grabbed me by my shirt and slammed me hard against the concrete, pain spreading across my back. I giggle slightly, watching the angry well up even more inside him. He smacked me hard around the face his knuckle clashing hard with my cheek bone. I ignored the pain laughing even harder at him in an attempt to wind him up. My nose began to bleed as I spat at him "Is that all you fucking got!"
That's when Eva came running ripping Tim off and pushing me back as I was about to rip his head from his body. She looked me dead in the eyes and whisper for me to take deep breathes. I did what she said slowly becoming calmer and calmer each time I exhaled.
"Tim lay off him!" She shouted giving him a look that could kill. He grew even more angry like a little angry minion and I couldn't help but giggle to myself. And that's when the crowd started to form.
"He fucking beats you black and blue Eva, try and tell me that you are happy with him! Go on try!" She closed her eyes slowly preparing herself.
"No I'm not happy but you know what all of you gave up on me! You abandoned me because of him but he still was there for me and still came to this fucking funeral today knowing he was gonna get this amount of shit thrown at it him and he did it with my interest at heart, because I wanted him here. So how about you just fuck off because maybe we're not happy but at least we care about each other!" She took a long sigh as everyone stood quietly. I reached out to touch her but changed my mind putting my hands in my pockets.
"Just go home Freddie ..." I nodded at her slowly.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean t-"
"I know"
The car journey home was horrible, I just needed to get along with them once, and I manged to fuck that up. Of course it was me that had ruined her dads funeral who else would it have been. I pulled into the drive way sighing heavily. Always fucking me.
I door opened allowing warmth to run across me heating me back up again. The house was silent and I never felt more alone in it as I did just then. Thats when I ran up stairs to get my phone. I knew I shouldnt it was her dads funeral today and she hated me talking to Anna but she was to hard to ignore I needed to speak to her, make sure she was okay.
To Freddie
Hey how are you x
To Anna .
I'm okay you? X
That was a hard one to answer I didnt know how I felt. Was I happy was I sad, I didn't know...
To Anna.
I'm fine what are you doing? X
To Freddie
Maths kill me now. Why did I take maths? I hate maths! Ugh I need a break... X
To Anna
Hahaha bless ya I need a break too... X
To Freddie
Maybe we should have a break together! you know meet up? We have been talking for how many years it would be nice to finally meet you x
I sat there for a second reading the text over and over. How may texts? how many Skype calls? And we have never decided to meet each other and now she had finally suggested it, it excited me a little. I could actually meet Anna. I paused trying to think of a way to respond.
To Anna
I would love to! But what about Eva... X
To Freddie
Tell her your going to see family x
I felt as though I was cheating on her (which I obviously wasn't) but maybe I should. Years I had dreamed about meeting Anna maybe now was the time. Maybe I should meet her.
