Unexpected

Sixteen

Jackson sat across from me - his gaze never wavering, he was staring at me, waiting for me to start this conversation, truth was I actually knew exactly what I wanted to say - but there was a part of me holding back, scared it would set him off and he would run - it was his track record after all.

"Scarlett" his voice grabbing my attention to realise there was a soft smile on his lips "It's ok, I get that you have questions, questions that are going to be hard for me, but I want this, I will tell you anything you want to know, anything that I can remember"

"I want to know your story, in your words - your story with Mum"

He nodded a few times, taking a few sips from the glass of ice water in front of him, we were seated in a booth at his bar, it was closed being 10am in the morning. I had spent my entire weekend with Knox and Evie - but today was Monday and with Evie at holiday care and Knox working I had this sudden urge to see him.

"Your Mum is one of the most amazing woman I have ever met, she is good and soft and too beautiful, I was none of those things, I was a lost kid - I had a shit family life, my Mum was around but never really cared to much where I was, what I was doing or who I was with, my Dad floated in and out - most of the time he was around he would be drunk or high and often I was no stranger to sleeping on the front verandah after they locked me outside, but I had Seb, he was my best friend - the best friend I could ever have asked for, and he gave me a different family, he gave me Hunter and Lily, he gave me your Mum.
Hunter and Lily saved my life, they took me in treated me like I was their own, gave me a home - and I tried to stay away from Scarlett, tried to keep my distance - to pretend there was nothing there - but I failed.
We tried to date - in secret, twice actually, once in high school and once in college and it was good - we were good together - great actually, for awhile - but I - I fucked it up Mya, every time it came to Scarlett I managed to fuck it up"

"Why, what did you do - tell me?"

"I don't, I don't want to lie to you - but this story, it really doesn't come out well and I really want to be a part of your life, if I tell you"

"It's ok Jackson - I get it"

He nods, taking a deep breath before continuing,

"When she fell for Carson I knew we were really finished, the way he looked at her, treated her - he wasn't going to give her up - she was it for him and I tried to move on, but I never really went too far"

He kept talking, telling me about Jane, the baby they had together - he told me about how it broke him seeing her pregnant with Logan, becoming a mother to someone else's child but how it made him fall even more in love with her watching her with him and he told me how she called him when she would fight with my Dad - with Carson - including the night he dropped everything to get to her.

"Why didn't you stay, why was it so easy for you to walk away Jackson"

"I'm not a good man Mya, I was stupid, so fucking stupid, scared of how she made me feel and it was easy to run, then as years passed it got easier I guess, I wasn't there - in person, I didn't have to see her everyday - I had met a really great woman - she was smart and beautiful and knew what she wanted with life, Your Mum had worked things out with Carson and I watched from the sidelines as they continued to grow their family, it was when you were around 2 years old that I realised you were mine, Mya I hurt your Mum - trying to get her to let me in your life then, I said and did things that hurt her and when it hit me what I had done, I came to the conclusion I could never be the kind of father Carson was.

"So you left, again?"

"Yes"

"Jackson, I need to know the rest"

"This is really heavy Mya" he said running has hand over his face and through his hair - the same shade of black as my own though his was peppered with silver now.

"We've come this far Jackson, let's get it all out and then maybe we can start again?"

Jackson looked so broken, reaching across the table he wrapped his hand around mine, giving me a slight squeeze as he continued.
"Mya, I need you to know that I love her - I love her more than I ever even knew it was possible to love another person, I have loved her since the day we met and I will love her until the day I leave this earth, but I was never good for her - I was a mess, love like that it scared me and every time I tried with her I would just fuck it up, I got scared and I ran - when your grandfather died, it was like my heart had shattered and I didn't know, I didn't understand how to deal with that, I felt alone - truly alone, except for you, your were mine - my daughter, my blood and I needed you in my life, I needed you to know me, that I was your father, I wanted it desperately and I didn't think about the damage that it would cause or how it would make any one else feel - I just didn't want to feel alone anymore. After everything that happened that day, after the three of you left me in that park, I spiralled, I convinced myself that maybe I was nothing more than the trailer trash I was born into, that I didn't deserve all the good the Hunter and Lily had given me, that I was nothing but toxic to your Mum and your Uncle, that I would be nothing but toxic to you,
- but your Mum - she, she was there and she picked me up, she got me back on my feet - forced me to shower, to sleep, and in that moment it all clicked - she was the woman I was meant to be with, the woman I was built to grow old with, to love and give my entire being to, the woman that owned me - body and soul"

I watched the tear travelling from his eye down along his cheek as he took a deep breath,

I gasped, realisation hitting me, Jackson's eyes met mine, wincing as he realised what I was figuring out.

"She was going to be with you wasn't she, she was going to leave my Da - Carson?"

"Your Mum is the only one that can answer that question, that day, the day of the accident, she had left me, left the hotel, I had asked her to come back to me, to give us a real shot, to let me try and be the man she needed and deserved. I was on the phone to her when the truck hit her - she was headed to Carson - she had been with me for a couple of days and he was frantic. I heard her scream, the sound of crashing metal and breaking glass before the phone went dead, I called everybody trying to get answers and when Seb finally told me what had happened it was like fate had stepped in to remind me she was never mine, that the best thing I could do was walk away"

"So you did?"

"Yeah" he nodded "It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do - to walk away from the only woman I have ever and will ever love, the woman that gave me you"