Love and Dreams-Faberry

Chapter Nine

"What the hell am I doing?" Santana grumbled as she entered Rachel's apartment completely unannounced the next day.

Rachel looked up from her newspaper but remained silent. If she'd learned anything living next to Santana for the past few months, it was to keep her mouth shut in situations like these. The Latina usually managed to fill her in without being prompted to.

Santana went to the fridge and pulled out two beers, popping the tops off and sliding one to Rachel. She dropped onto the barstool next to Rachel and sighed. "I'm in love with Brittany. Again. Or still, I suppose."

Rachel dropped her pen to the paper in front of her and sipped her beer, turning to her friend but remaining silent.

"Will you say something? It's creeping me out that you're totally silent," Santana told her with a frown.

Rachel shrugged. "I'm not sure I can say much that I haven't said before. Leave him."

Santana sighed. "I know."

Rachel reached out to squeeze the other girl's arm comfortingly. "I know the thought of leaving him is probably completely terrifying but isn't the thought of not spending your life with her even scarier?"

Santana pondered that for a moment and nodded. "You're right." She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "I don't even know what I'm saying. It's not like me and Brit have even talked about being together. I'm married and we're still working through the friends part of things these days."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Please...the way she looks at you. She's just as in love with you as she was back then. Probably more so. You've grown into a pretty fantastic person, Santana."

Santana opened her mouth to snark a reply but shut it immediately. "Whatever, Berry."

Rachel grinned. "My point exactly. High school Santana would have slushied me or publicly embarrassed me or called me a bunch of really inappropriate names. You just brush it off now."

"You're nauseatingly happy this morning." Santana rolled her eyes. She suddenly regarded her friend carefully for a moment and pointed a slender finger at her, her eyes narrowing slightly. "You two totally did it last night, didn't you?"

The grin that spread over Rachel's features told the Latina everything she needed to know but Rachel simply shook her head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Was it as good as it was in high school?" Santana prodded with a smirk, her chin falling to her hand as she leaned against the counter.

"High school doesn't even compare," Rachel told her with a far away look in her eye.

Santana grinned but a regretful sigh escaped her lips causing the diva to frown.

"Santana, honestly, can you think of one good reason to stay?" Rachel asked her softly a moment later.

Santana racked her brain. Part of her felt she owed it to him and to her parents to really give her dying marriage the respect she thought it should deserve but the other side of her brain wanted to simply tell him to fuck off. Especially after the way he behaved the night before. "No."

"Leave him."

Santana sighed heavily for a moment, thinking back to the night before and the maniacal look in her husband's eyes and she shivered, her eyes closing for a moment.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked softly, her concern for her friend growing every instant.

Santana stared at her beer for a few seconds before draining half of it in several quick gulps. "I have to go. Have a good show tonight."

Rachel watched her leave and frowned. She hated that her friend was so completely and utterly unhappy with her life but she knew she could only do so much to help. She just hoped the other girl figured it out quickly.

Santana felt like she wanted to jab a pen into her leg just to forget about him. Granted, he had been nauseatingly nice to her since the incident grabbing her. He'd bought her flowers and new jewelry and even invited Rachel and Quinn over for dinner early the following week. She told him she forgave him...though it was mostly so he'd leave her the hell alone. She wanted him to go back to practically ignoring her so she could spend more time with Brittany.

It seemed so upside down to have Brittany sitting across from her, so sweet and achingly familiar and so open and she had to go home and share a bed with a man who snuck off nearly every night to sleep with random women all over the city when he wasn't trying to buy her forgiveness for being an ass.

"I have fucked my life up," Santana muttered before she could stop herself.

"No you haven't," Brittany replied with a smile. "You're a lawyer, S. That's really awesome."

"But I'm totally alone," Santana mumbled.

"You're not," Brittany told her. She frowned. "You're m-married."

"It sounds gross when you say it," Santana told her with a scowl. "I don't like the way it sounds coming from your mouth. Or anyone else's for that matter."

"If you're so unhappy, why don't you leave?" Brittany asked simply.

"I don't know," Santana replied. And in that moment she really didn't.

"You should," Brittany told her. "And I'm saying that as your friend, not someone who totally wants to kiss you right now."

Santana groaned and the mere thought of kissing the blonde again. "B, you can't talk about kissing me. It's too much."

Brittany shook her head. "He treats you horribly." She leaned in close and her voice dropped. "Plus I bet he doesn't even know about that spot on your inner thigh that makes your hips buck."

Santana's mouth went dry and she gulped audibly, her eyelids fluttering. "B..."

Brittany sat up straight in her chair again and smiled. "So, want to do some shopping?"

"Not fair," Santana told her, eyes narrowing playfully.

"Leave him and I'll remind you about that spot," Brittany told her with an absolutely wicked glint in her eye. She grinned. "Until then we do best friend stuff. Normal best friend stuff. Not our high school best friend stuff."

"You play dirty," Santana told the blonde, her eyes narrowing playfully.

Brittany smirked. "You have no idea."

"Shopping sounds...boring compared to what's going through my mind right now" the brunette murmured, her eyes slightly out of focus as she concentrated on memories of a naked Brittany moaning under her, writhing just right.

"Hey, S?" Brit asked.

"Hmm?" Santana murmured, her eyes focusing again.

"I forgive you," Brittany told her seriously.

Santana's eyes got wide and she felt a warmth settle in her belly. "Really?"

Brittany nodded. "Really."

That was the moment Santana knew she was definitely leaving her husband.