Stepping Stones

Burn

Time froze. I couldn't believe my eyes were telling me the undeniable truth. It was like a whirlwind of emotions picked me up and slammed me down in the reality of things. I could feel my hands start to drip with sweat as I wiped them on my joggers. My neck glistened, for the air became thick and hot. I could not shake the feeling of being back in that hospital room with Lavon. Feeling like I just threw my whole future in the garbage for someone who would never throw theirs away for me.
Seeing all those flyers, I rubbed my temples. Between the loud screams and laughter of the girls in the halls I could barely rap my head around what the hell was going on. I felt my phone buzz and knew it had to be Zara. I could barely hold my phone with a secure grip. My nerves had my fingers shaking as I struggled to text her back. She told me to "get my ass to the cafe after my 9:00 o'clock class or we gonna be in some shit."
As soon as I started walking toward Moon's exit, Lavon's eyes popped in my head. Lavon was an asshole and what he did to me was unforgivable but I was never the one to fight fire with fire. When I first met him, he made my body cringe with disgust. I literally would gag at the thought of him even speaking to me. But I fell for him. I was not going to put on a front and say my feeling were not real because they were. Lavon captivated me, and I became just another one of the broken hearted.

Even though I consider myself to be on a higher level than most people at Hanson, I found myself doing the same immature shit as the rest of the student body. Not saying I think I am better than them, I just usually handle my issues in a classier and more mature manner. I was delicate in the way I spoke and wise with my actions. But it was obvious that everything we did last night went against the things I've been preaching my whole life.

In the corner of my eye, I could see three girls taking their phone out to snap a picture of the flyer. Another girl had on a yellow sweater that read Hanson in bold white letters. Her shorts rode up as she crouched down gasping for air. She literally could not stop laughing. The hoots and the hollering didn't stop there. More and more girls flooded the lobby to see what buzz was all about.  It was like a jungle. Everybody wanted a taste of the action.
All the girls Lavon has ever played seemed to be illuminated with joy. They were flipping their hair and raising their chins with pride in their smiles. This was the day Lavon got a taste of his own medicine.
Looking at the faces of the girls that blocked the doors to the exit, their eyes caught mine. Following my feet to the top of my head, they stared at my every move. I was suddenly back on that runway stage again being watched by hundreds of people just dying to know my story. However in this case, hundreds of girls were just dying to know how my Hanson story will end. They were putting  two and two together. I was the missing piece of the puzzle.
"Oh shit"
"I knew it!"
"You go girl!"
"You're gone!"
"Better start packing your shit!"
They whispered
It was like everyone knew my fate except me.

Some girls did in fact look at me with admiration. By hurting Lavon, I supposedly patched the wounds of all the girls that Lavon did wrong. As much as us girls want to parade around social media and put on a show for our friends that we do not care, the truth is we absolutely do. In all realness, men have a way of breaking us down. They rip down our walls and expose the core of our hearts. Our minds are hesitant, but our bodies are welcoming. The most pessimistic females can not deny the feeling of hoping they have a  soul mate on this earth. That somewhere, in the world, a person is begging God for a person like themselves. That there is a person with a heart so pure, and so genuine, that they're in capable of inflicting pain that is not the pleasurable kind. Whether we deny it or not, us women, we love and we love hard. I'm starting to learn that our love is not like a males love. We are totally different creatures.  We always go into a relationship hoping whoever the person is will prove us wrong. Prove to me that you're different and I'll give you my mind, body, and soul.

Lavon was that somebody. His green eyes spoke to our inner desires. When we went to dinner that first night, he listened to me. He understood every word that escaped my lips. Unlike Kaidon, who seems to be perfect in all areas. Lavon gave the impression of trying to be perfect for me. Most girls fall fir the bad ass who's only good for them. It's sexy. His masculinity made me want to be a better woman for him.