Streets Not Safe

17

     The weight of submitting the last assignment, not to mention  not even within the last hour. He had did it almost a day early.  He almost called Seriaha up and told her they were outside.

  But he promised Syrain they could see their mom. Casmir had thought about the lady a lot. He loved her, but she loved a version of him he refused to let exist. He didn't think his mother lived through him. But he also did think her judgment for what was best for Casmir was clouded by grief. She turned angry- which was understandable but he was angry too.

Casmir practically dragged his feet to get ready, dragged his feet to even get out the shower. The house was quiet- school was done. He didn't want to spend whatever time he had left truly for himself with his mother. But then again maybe it was good, if he saw her this early in the summer he can get past whatever feelings she brings up fast. It had been a week since he saw osyris but yet he texted him damn near every day asking if he really wanted to go see his mom. Osyris offered multiple times to take Syrain, or have Manuel do it. He saw the uneasy look Casmir had, he saw the way he got uncomfortable with even the mention.

Osyris had knew the matriarch of the Lucades before the trauma. She was sweet, loving- sure a hard ass but she had a stubborn husband and a stubborn son. Got stuck with Manuel- damn near raised the generation of killers. They say behind every great man is an even better woman. Well Mrs. Lucade was her. She was just as much of a leader as her husband. The streets took everything she had, stripped her- left her a shell of herself. Osyris heard about her being sent away and he heard the way Manuel talked about it. As if she was dead too. He had more sympathy than most- but it was easy for him too. She didn't directly abandon him. He was already an orphan, child of the streets when Mr. Lucade found him— she gave him nothing but comfort but he knew things ended.

He just hated Casmir and the rest of them had to figure that out. He also hated that Casmir and Manuel weren't on speaking terms. He could probably be more support than Osyris. The whole week he had also talked to Zavier. It was nice talking to someone who understood simple struggles. Zavier got the annoyance of a teacher who wouldn't give them a break, or having so much work piled up and not knowing where to start. He understood the joys of a semester ending, or getting good grades.

It made Casmir believe he had a normal life. Even for a little bit. That he didn't have to fear for his brother and cousins life. That he could walk freely, didn't have to worry about if his mother would ever want to be a mother again. Zavier was good for him, but he wasn't good for Zavier. He was aware of that. Someone like Zavier would get chewed up by the streets. He also had privileges he didn't have. Those type of differences would lead to nothing but disasters. When his phone went off he couldn't help but smile.

"Ooooooh I miss you babyyy" sereiaha complained. "I hope when you graduate you make so much money, cause my heart hurts and ion even wanna bother you with it"

"Riaha, I told you to come over if your shit gets heavy" he complained, and she just sighed. He told her that a hundred times. He would always have time for her, the same way she made time for him, his trauma and his siblings. He could get rich tomorrow and give it all to her and it wouldn't be enough to repay her. If he was ever in debt to anyone- it was Seriaha.

"Yeah but it's stupid- how many times we been through the same thing?"  She spoke and he remained quiet "I just love what we use to be, not what we are- or were. I'm tired- I deserve more"

"Well yeah- his ass ain't shit"  he complained. He left it right at that, he just hoped this was going to be the last go Seriaha and Manuel.  It wasn't worth it.

"But I'm also- I want to maybe go back to school, figure out what I want.. maybe go into health? Ion know.. you just doing so much, it inspires me"

"Inspires you? I don't do shit!"