Handwritten

1: Hide

"I don't know what it is about the microphone and speaking that scares me. I don't even honestly know if I should say that it scares me. I just don't do it, I can sing the harmonies with Alex but when it comes to the thought of having to say words that mean something? I can't do it. It's not even for myself, it's for the fact that if I say something wrong they will all hate me. I mean who wouldn't hate me if they really saw ME? What's so good about a silent bassist? My fans mean everything to me and I can't afford to lose them with a simple wrong phrase. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't have this, my dream. I can't lose any of this, I would die. There would be no point to living anymore. This is me, this guitar is part of me, these three idiots are part of me, that stage is part of me, all the fans that scream the lyrics that we wrote, are a part of ME. Not the sight of Zack Merrick, but OF Zack Merrick. I don't want to be silent anymore but I can't take the thought of losing a single part of what I have. I guess that's everything in my head really. I still feel like this is just some way for me to hide which is what I do anyway."

"Here." I say folding the paper into a tiny square. Rian looks to me.

"Hide it." He says. I look at him with confusion.

"You make me sit here and write down every stupid thought in my head and then tell me to hide it?" I ask.

"Yes. Hide it." He says. I've learned over the years not to question anyone in this band. I stand and walk out of the living room.

"No! Hide it!" Rian says.

"I'm hiding the damn paper!" I shout. Rian holds up the keys and shakes them.

"Hide. It." He says slowly. I sigh heavily and take the keys. Walking out of the house and to my car I shove the letter in my pocket and pull out of the driveway to find the perfect hiding spot.

After driving for about half an hour down the LA streets I sigh.

"This is fucking pointless." I say and take the next turn. I see a small park right inside of a small suburban area and pull into a parking lot across the street. I walk over the the small bench near the slide and stick the paper in between the beams. The corner of the paper is barely viewable.

"Good enough." I sigh and walk back to the car. I'm not going back to the torture of Rian pestering me about the letter so I drive for awhile.

Rian is one of the only people that could tell me to do this and I could actually trust that something would come out of it. I don't know quite what yet but I know something will. I just have to wait and see what it is.