Breakeven: A DirkJake Songfic

Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Dirk watched Jake from afar, observing him. Dirk had figured that Jake would be heartbroken since it had only been four days since he broke things off, but from what he could tell, the black-haired  boy wasn't phased in the least, maybe he was keeping it all in? That didn't really sound like Jake, but it could be a possiblility, right?

Just praying to a god that I don't believe in

It has been a week now since their relationship ended, and Dirk had figured that it would've been Jake sitting on his bed wishing for things to go back to the way they were while Dirk had moved on, but it was the other way around. As Dirk stared up at the ceiling, wondering where everything went wrong.

Cause I got time while he got freedom

Dirk was starting to feel a wide variety of emotions; depression, heartbreak, hopelessness, despair, guilt, and so on. Did Jake ever care about him? Did he even ever love Dirk? Why did Jake start ignoring him? Was there anything Dirk could have done to keep the relationship for sinking? Jake seemed so carefree now as opposed when they were dating, so much more happy...

And when a heart breaks no it don't even

Dirk had to choke back a sob, he had to contain his tears, he had to keep a straight face as he and Jake conversed like nothing had happened. How come it was only Dirk experiencing this difficulty? Jake seemed as if he never cared for Dirk, or what they had.

His best days will be some of my worst

Dirk had just stayed inside that day, he couldn't take it. The pain of seeing Jake so happy while he was breaking down was unbearable. He was still in love with him. Dirk wiped tears away from underneath his shades, choking back a sob.

He finally met a girl that's going to put him first

Dirk never expected that when he went to go talk to Jake about the break up that he would be greeted with the sight of Jake and Jane holding hands and laughing. Dirk dropped to his knees, Jake had moved on already? He watched as Jake kissed her cheek, laughing as she blushed.

While I'm wide awake he has no trouble sleeping

Dirk stared up at his bedroom ceiling, wide wake even though it was 2 am. It seemed that sleep wasn't the easiest to come by for him lately. He bet that Jake was sound asleep, he bet that Jake had no trouble at all falling into slumber.

Cause when a heart breaks it don't break even

Dirk had never had a panic attack, let alone one brought on by heartbreak, until tonight. Pacing back and forth, sobbing and hyperventilating. He gripped his hair as thoughts flowed into him. Was he too overbearing of a boyfriend? Was he the one at fault for the break up? Why didn't Jake seem to care? Dirk passed out. collapsing on the floor from the overwhelming stress.

And what am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you?

Dirk woke up on the ground with a throbbing headache. He sat u and looked around the room until his eyes fell upon a picture of him and Jake, both smiling. Dirk took out his phone and decided to try and take his mind off things by looking through his pictures, but that was a mistake, because all of the pictures he had were of him and Jake.

And what am I supposed to say, when I'm all choked up that you're okay?

"Dirk, are you alright?" Jake asked Dirk who was staring off into space with a sad expression on his face. Dirk broke away from his thoughts and looked at Jake. He wanted to tell him what he was feeling, but decided against it. How would he explain anyways? What would he say? That he was sad that Jake seemed happy? He just shook his head and looked away, fighting back tears.

I'm falling to pieces........

Dirk couldn't take it anymore, he was breaking down, he didn't know what to do. He ripped is shades off and threw them into a random corner. Tears were filling his crimson eyes as he paced back and forth, the pain of being in love with someone who would never love him back, who didn't seem as if he ever loved him, who had already moved on, it was too much. Why did he have to feel this pain? Why was it him who had to suffer from this? Dirk was overwhelmed with thoughts of negativity as he looked to the gun on his desk that Jake had left, he was going to end this pain.

At the funeral, Roxy broke down, and so did Jane, they had failed to see how much pain he was in. But Jake? He didn't even go, he knew the reason Dirk killed himself, it was because of him. Jake had figured that Dirk would have wanted him to move on despite that he wished they could've worked things out. Dirk was dead, all because of him