A New Life

Decisions...

One would assume that nothing could possibly be more difficult than waking up 70 years in the future after being frozen and losing everything and everyone you knew; but for Steve Rogers, that hadn't been the case.

Much more difficult than adjusting to the 21st century and more frightening than fighting aliens, was the realization that he was in love with Tony Stark. For the first time in his life, Steve had truly lost himself. Growing up in a conservative time, homosexuality was a concept everyone seemed to know of, but refused to truly acknowledge. It was a dark and filthy secret that was to be buried so deep that it would never have the opportunity to reach the light of day. Considered such a heinous act, that Steve knew a young man that had preferred to take his life rather than be exposed. It was a fate worse than death.

All things considered, Steve hadn't dared to even remotely entertain such thoughts. Besides, he had nothing to worry about, he had only been attracted to women-his love affair with Peggy Carter had only been confirmation of that. Perhaps that's the reason he had immediately despised Tony Stark-not just because of the man's arrogance or thoughtless nature-but maybe the real problem had been that instant, fleeting attraction Steve had felt for the other man. But it had been something Steve had been able to displace as disorientation from newly waking up in the future. As the years progressed, though, and Steve and Tony's friendship had grown, that attraction had become explicitly undeniable. In the end Steve-as well as an equally hesitant and frightened Tony-had decided that being together was worth putting everything else at risk.

If not for taking such a monumental leap of faith, Steve would have never married his soul-mate. Perhaps this was what had prompted him to finally agree to the decision of becoming a father when he himself had once sworn to never be apart of raising a child in such a destructive world. But such as many other things in his life, that had changed.

Early on in their relationship, Steve had accepted that the life he had once envisioned for himself no longer existed., and he had no problem whatsoever of letting it go. He loved Tony-he would spend a lifetime of happiness just at his side. As dysfunctional and abnormal as their relationship was, it was still something that Steve wouldn't trade for the world.

Tony's marriage proposal had come as a bit of a shock-Steve had never expected Tony to marry him. He knew where he stood on his view of marriage. Tony was full of surprises, and as it turned out, he had a few other surprises in store.

"A surrogate?" Steve exclaimed, flipping through the pamphlet Tony had pushed across the table.

"What do you think?" Tony said, staring intently at Steve as he sipped his coffee.

"Um...Well, that sure wasn't around in the 40's."

"Neither was AC/DC. Those were some dark times."

Steve lowered the pamphlet to study his husbands expression-It was unreadable, a perfectly contrived poker face.

They had briefly talked about children a few times, but the conclusion had always been that it hadn't seemed right for the kind of life they lived. A life wrought with danger and uncertainty. There was no place for a child in their world.

"Why now?" Steve asked, tilting his head in suspicion. "Everything all right?"

"Don't tell me you've never once entertained the thought of having a little you running around the place."

"I use to...but things change."

"What changed?" Tony said, his eyes full of intensity.

"It's nothing to do with you, Tony, you know that."

"Then..?"

"Because-" Steve paused. The truth was that he was afraid. He was afraid of having one more thing to love. That was one more thing that could easily be taken away. He rubbed his hand across his face and exhaled loudly. This was a fear that had been brewing in his mind for sometime, and he was hesitant to finally voice it. Tony stared expectantly.

"What about you?" Steve demanded, deflecting the question. "What you said about Howard-"

"You're avoiding my question."

Steve clenched his jaw. He wasn't getting out of this.

"Because....because of the very same reasons you and I have trouble sleeping at night. Steve said, looking down at his hands.

Tony stayed quiet, silently prompting him to continue.

"We've seen things-awful things. The kind of things nightmares are made of. Why would you want to bring an innocent child into a world full of death, and pain, and suffering? Why would anyone?"

A few moments of silence passed and Steve couldn't help but to look up. Tony was still staring at Steve, his eyes full of sympathy.

He nodded. "Okay", he said.

"Okay, what?" Steve asked, puzzled by his husband's response.

"I agree with you."

"You agree with me?"

"Yup."

"Then why the mention of a surrogate?"

"I'm not quite sure.." Tony contemplated. "I guess, I mean..." He looked down at his cup, sliding the cup on the tap from one hand to the other. "I saw you holding that baby the other day at the company party-Mr.and Mrs. Elias's baby-and you had this look in your eye. This look of utter joy." He smiled at the memory. " And you held it like it was the most natural thing in the world. As though it were something you did on a daily basis. I loved watching you. The world could have been going to hell and I wouldn't have noticed because all I would see was you holding that baby. And in that moment I thought that maybe, just maybe, that this wasn't something I could screw up if I had you by my side."

Steve turned his husbands words around in his head. He was caught off guard and his mind was a muddled mess.

Steve had always loved children. Had wanted his own one day. A boy. Maybe a little girl. Maybe both.

"What about SHIELD , Steve asked. The Avengers...?"

"I'm getting older, Steve", Tony admitted. "Things aren't as easy as they use to be, even with the suit. I can still build, I can still help out without directly being on the field. "

For as long as he remembered, all Steve had ever wanted to be was a soldier. A soldier that helped out directly on the battlefield. He wanted to protect the country he loved. The very country his parents had also served and fought for. Would he ever be able to stop?

"Wow. Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this."

"We don't have to do this now, or ever, really." Tony placed his hand on Steve's fist. He had been unknowingly rapping his knuckles against the table top. "Hey, I'm the one that's supposed to overreact. I have the freak outs, remember?" Tony said, smiling.

A child with Tony's eyes...There were now so many possibilities.

"A baby, huh?" Steve asked, entwining his fingers in his husbands. "Well, if we do decide to...then I hope it has your heart. But for the love of God, please let it have a shred of sanity!"

"No chance, it'll be your kid. And you did marry me, after all." Tony grinned.
~

Steve had been adamant that Tony use his sperm. The effects of the Super Soldier Serum were unknown on infants or expectant mothers. Steve wouldn't take that chance with their child. They used a donor's egg and hired a surrogate to carry the baby.

Back in Steve's time, Ava's conception would have been impossible, and this only added onto his belief that she was truly a miracle child. She had one wonderful life ahead of her-she just had two crazy dads along for the ride.