Same Mistakes (Ziall)

Chapter Eighteen

Zayn's POV:

Lying naked in Niall's dorm, in our boarding school, in his arms, between the covers was almost the best feeling in the world. Actually-I think it is. I loved him more than I can really say... or think. It's crazy, I was so in love with someone. I watched his sleeping face, and felt my haert fall in love with him all over again. He was so perfect it was intimidating.  I didn't think I'd ever be intimidated by anyone other than my dad.

 Depressed by my own thoughts, and eager to fall asleep, I turned round slowly and carefully, so as not to disturb Nialler, in his narrow bed, my back hitting the wall, but I didn't care, as I bent down so sleep in a more comfortable position. Ah. There we go...

It must've been about two in the morning that Niall had gotten off the bed, walking nude to the window and staring out it. His hair was messed up, sex hair, I thought, then shivered from his absence, and annoyed he had woken me up. His whole body was flushed and sweaty, but his face was pale and waxy. I frowned, and sat up in bed silently, watching his steady, still face stare out at the darkness from the window.

''Niall?'' I whispered. Niall jumped violently, startled, then sighed, looking pissed when he saw me. ''What's wrong?'' I asked him. He shrugged, and walked back to the bed, and sat on the edge, looking.... odd. Almost defeated... and conflicted. What could be wrong? I had come back to living hell to be with him at my own risk and he looked like that? 

He shrugged nonchalantly, but it wasn't working with me. There was nothing nonchalant about him. ''Can't sleep'' he mumbled. I ran a hand through my hair, a little stressed and concerned. Even when I began to kiss the back of his neck, where he liked it, he didn't react. What?

''Niall?'' I said softly, playing with his messy hair, ''tell me what's up. Maybe you... need a shower''

I blushed at Niall's face. He looked as if he was going to burst out laughing. I was just trying to help I thought petulantly. ''No. Thanks. Maybe you should. You stink'' he smirked.

Ouch. It was a pathetic retort, but I was hurt. Niall wouldn't ever had said that if it weren't for my influence. I sighed, and hugged my knees. ''It's kinda normal after you just rocked me'' I spat. Niall raised his eyebrows, obviously unimpressed with my retaliation.

''Exactly. Maybe I regret it'' Niall said.

Oh my god. He had never said he'd regretted bedding me. Ever. Maybe apart from the first time. But Niall loved me. I loved him. Why the guilt? Why? I was so confused. And also taken aback by his rudeness. 

''Niall shut up. You don't mean it. You don't!'' I cried. Niall made a strange hiss, almost like an animal. It was strange uttering rfom his mouth.

''Shut it! People will hear you'' he whispered frantically. I shook my head in disbelief. ''Since when have you been so sensitive? I said you stink Zayn. It's only truthful.''

Suddenly the shower seemed like a really good idea. Anything to get away from Niall when he's like this. 

So I glared at Niall, he glared back, and I stuffed the sheets round my waist, and stormed into the his bathroom. I heard Niall laugh bitterly behind the door, and I felt that was just the last straw. I broke up, and slid down the door, blinded by tears. 

I cried silently for god knows how long. But soon enough, I knew Niall would be wondering if I was going to turn on the shower any time soon, so to quench his curiosity, half an hour from slamming the bathroom door behind me I turned on the shower, left the sweaty bed sheets on the floor, and soaked myself in the boiling water.

When the water hit my skin, jetting painfully, I felt it draw me in, the water looked inviting. I had considered suicide several times... most of my thoughts water-based, but it would be stupid. What would I do to Niall? What would my death do to Niall...?