A journal of a psychopath

Prologue

Words are just letters combined to do something with humans, to make them listen and understand, communicating being an important thing in peoples social standards. If you can't talk then you're not human they might think. As for me not being a great talker I don't say much, but I'm well composed with letters, thoughts and words like everyone else.

Well, if I'm not human, what am I?

I'm getting stressed out by my own thoughts, feelings, emotions and the worst of them, my temptations, I want to hurt people physically. I don't know how to get rid of these things as they always interrupt my thoughts and I can't sleep.

Everything I say is always facts never anything I experience, I always have bad experiences trying to cover up my inner psychopath that lingers in every paragraph I write.

I am a psychopath. Labelling myself has always been an important thing for me, it helps me understand what I am and I always end up terrified of what I have discovered.

Most of the time I'm alone, reading a book or watching a movie to get my emotions in line, keeping myself distracted from hurting myself,  I just have to hurt myself when I feel these weird temptations  and I hate myself even more so because of that but I suppose that's better than hurting others. I don't hate everyone, I love people and I care a lot about my family and stuff which makes it even harder for me to understand what I am. I don't want to hurt anyone but my temptations says otherwise.

I wish things were different, I wish that I could be a psychopath, hurting people and then get rid of my temptations living the rest of my life in a cell and feel nothing towards anything. But things are not different and I'm still sitting on my couch with a glass of

scotch and one with bourbon because self-destruction is the only thing that helps.

I don't know how to live the rest of my life, how am I even supposed to get a job when my brain suddenly stops processing as I'm about to start a conversation with someone...

My life has always been an emotional mess, as long as I remember I've been a moody bitch, the teen years being the worst of them...

My name is Lana and I am psychopath and this is my journal.

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