Deep

Caressed Enmity

 I ran in from the rain. It felt like the dark sky was crying down on earth just to make everything happy. As I saw the cool transparent raindrops race down my window, I slowly slid to the floor. Then my phone started ringing and I jumped. My heart was pumping like I just ran miles when in a reality I ran into my building from outside. Then I noticed my face was still wet. My eyes were making rain drops? No that wasn't possible, I was just crying. It happened a lot nowadays, most likely had become an unpleasant habit. When ever I feel any horrid emotion, I just, cry. Too much pa... oh. I had forgotten about my phone. The first time it went to voicemail, and now it was ringing again. 

"Hello?"

"My sweet?* smothered sobs*"

"Mom is that you what's going on?! Are you alright?!?!"

"H..h..he he's gone sweet heart. I'm so sorry." 

"Mom. I'm so sorry."

....

"What? No I'm more ...cerned about you."

"He chose to leave. You have to be strong now ok? It's what he would have wanted. "

"...n..n..noo..!"

"How?"

"Honey someone shot him. I'm so sorry. *more muffled sobs*"

"I will be fine. Go get some sleep. Goodnight."

And now I can get some peace. He is gone. I am happy. Then realization hit me again, I was crying. First out of my right eye, then my left. Then it was a waterfall after that. I was so relieved that tears fell down my cheeks. It felt as though a volcano erupted inside me and I finally realized what i wanted. And at that moment I started my life felt good. No more crying every night while I said my prayers to my fake God. No more being sick every time I thought. No more needing to think. I over think too much. And it hurts. So instead, I decide to grab my gloves and get to work.

First I decided I need to clean my apartment. Any evidence of anything that can incriminate me will have to leave. I want to be the sweet innocent girl I look like, well I want everyone the think that's what I am. So I clean. By the time I'm done, I have a trash bag full. I put it in my trunk and I decide to go to the local landfill and the I dumped my load. Then my official journey started. I needed a list. I had watched a lot o movies but that was not going to cut it. For each of the men I will have a different deed. And the women will have a different fate. I had thought my life was set in stone for many years of my depressing childhood. I just found out, I'm carving my own path. If your skin just happens to be where I need to walk then you are going to an end. I want to make you feel how I felt for oh so much time. My heart hurt so bad, and I felt so much. I'm going to make you hurt so bad, and you will feel so much. As I thought about what I needed, the emotion flowing threw me felt like electricity on my skin, and fire in my blood. This is the closest I have ever felt to being happy. My life was finally lit. The wick in my life candle was finally aflame.